5/4/22 mood: wtf
ha ha our government is a fuckin joke lol. i moved to the states so i have like zero hogs in this race but holy shit yall running this country into the conservative ground lmao. it was nice to live somewhere with like. rights. for a while. but this isn't the first religious dictatorship i've lived in so life rolls terribly on lmao. (only kind of a joke. i have in fact lived in an actual dictatorship but this problem's mostly the whole "country is run by a minority of religious nutjobs" thing. like my atitude is just.... government gonna govern, they're gonna take your money and do weird shit and buy shoes and all you can do is look afetr your fellow man. Donate to abortion funds and help people and spread info and do mutual aid, all we can do is help each other and not let the old white dudes who get paid 10x what we do calculate what we can and can't do with our lives. they're so far removed from it that they don't know. like if you keep skipping detention they can't give you detention, become ungovernable. that's the only way to parse shit lol
that said it's p funny to grow up watching the 2 examples of a "powerful western empire" completely fucking crumble within 10 years of each other lmfao. eat shit. (i have every sympathy for those who didn't vote leave and now must endure brexit but from a former colonized person: lol. lmao, even)
? deadcity
5/2/22
oo is it time to split the archives up again? prob lol
my agent is on break this week so i'm just churnin out actual work lol. i have thumbnails to digitize and then two pages to pencil and then a script to clean up so that's pretty much the first half of my week right there. and i'll probably be crackin on the pages for those thumbs later. i am v hopeful t hit/finish colors by the end of the month instead of dropping it in greyscale but they gave me the choice so that's nice :3
it'll be kinda nice to take it a lil bit easy fr. i need to hang out with my freindz more too. :> i have people i need to text back, i'm the worst texter back-er lmao. i had a super refreshing weekend watching stuff and working on lil projex around the house. s'good. i actually am loathe to gear into work mode now haha. how come i only have "no rest only work i do not know how to rest" vs "i just want to slum around and play video games all fuggen day fuck this i am a slug". i am bad at balance haha. sth i gotta work on.
grr i do not want to clean up these thumbs lmao. maybe i'll just scan them instead of redrawing them ey. it's a team full of other [specific niche genre people - are you sick of these redactions yet? lol] so they'll understand. but they gotta be readable. am i cutting corners here? ugh i'll scan em so the lines stay lively but add on extra color notes & annotations. like color coded notes not notes on color lol.
gotta make that bread to buy more nrfb dolls haha
xoxo deadcityy
5/1/22 mood: wheeeh
well well WHALE. my dad and i talked it out and apparently ye olde parents' therapists has MISREPRESENTED SHIT TO ME and my dad had DATED NOTES and we went oevr them and he and I are all good now. ig the therapist NEGLECTED TO "LISTEN"/REMEMBER key fucking facts my dad told her and went off on me based on shit they didn't know anything about??? and made up a weird little backstory for it??? anyway my dad seemed put off but we cleared it up and i obv do not have to speak with anyone again, but i'm glad he and i figured it out cuz i was v upset that my dad had said "a bunch of shit about me" (but it turned out he didn't). who tf is this therapist anyway????? all the phd level psychs i have talked to told me to (if i want) pursue this with a board complaint but ffr i just want this to go away though. glad me and my dad are good again lol.
also. i watched the end of one of my favorite shows ever yesterday and i just. can't believe how much stuff was cancelled in the 2000's/90's the second anyone started to be actually for reals gay/queer/etc. still has a v special place in my heart though. at least we got to see the male character have his freakout over "omg omg omg fuck i thought we were straight. wait i'm straight. but you're not. fuck what how do i deal with this i am a teenager" masculinity meltdown (and subsequent fix), it was SO GOOD. you never see shit like that. me and my gay little show are just gonna spend some time together i think haha.
yanno whats really good unexpectedly??? those nancy drew games. i never played them as a kid but holy shit they're fun. and spooky. and puzzles!!
i've been smoking so much lately i need to cut down fer my wallets sake :(((( if i want more nib dollz i gotta put this down lol.
xoxoxoxox deadcity <33333
4/30/22 mood: :(((
ugh i have to talk to my dad today and it is awful. just always puts me in a bad mood. (well not always but i'm not really feeling it right now.) i am trying to take my dr's advice and not think about my mom or let her influence my life in that way but i dunno getting on the phone with the old man makes me go back into sad kid ptsd mode. i guess there needs to be some sort of weird yin balance in the world or i'll just be happy all the time and you cant have that yeah. but i really hate listening to "job advice" from (not my dad) someone who hasn't had a real job since the mid-90s. and thinks a pyramid scheme/mlm is a "Real job". i cannot emphasize how much my mom sucks lol, and i don't write about the horrible stuff here. also my parents therapist never wants to talk about my mom's weird fucking pseudo sexual obsession with my rack. i hate it and it's gross and rapey and no one will talk to me about it which i KNOW IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS so uh. ig. the more i think about the more i'm like "wait wtf am i doing just walk away. just leave. wtf"
i'm just talking to them to prove i'm a real person and not lying about beign successful but they just use that as weird bait???????????? nobody's that stupid?!?!?!?!?!? they looked right at my book cover on the ol barnes and noble website and said "where's your name???" ON THE COVER?!?!?! IT'S ON THE FUCKING COVER?!? Am I being fucking gaslit?!?!?! It's nuts, right???? I checked with my girlfriend and coworkers and friends and assorted internet randos just to confirm i'm not having a weird psychotic break but no i am a very easily googelable (please do not fucking google me lmao) person b/c i have a public facing job so WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
?????? i never should have agreed to this i was supposed to catch up on the witcher this weekend aaaagh wtf
sadface sadface dedcity
4/29/22
~makin notes
i think i somehow got roped into teaching [niche technical class] at that meeting two days ago lmao. hey i really love teaching art school. what can i say. i get to encourage everyone to deprogram their bad art habits and tell their inner critic to shove it lol. oh and train a whole generation of people (people... almost my age.... art school... lol) to learn how to speak/read in a new visual language. yayyy semantics
working on more alumni assoc stuff today. pounded out the thumbnails to a cool charity thing yesterday. ig i had more work than i thought lol, i'm always putting myself down but ive got a lot of shit to handleeeeeeee arg. i know i was assigned all this stuff to take my mind off shit while the mysterious editing enging runs p&ls and other stuff i am literally not supposed to worry about cuz i'll just spiral like i am spiralling naaaooooow. ha ha.
ecksoh ecksoh deadcity
4/27/22 mood: insert coffee here
hooray it's a social day! i forgot how much i like. er. meeting people and doing shit. the panini really did a number huh
meeting Kara for cawfeee with Jade the GF and then doing a business meeting with Terri and then everything should be over by like 5 and i'll have missed at least 2 phone calls i was too skeeved to answer. yay. who tf calls people any more btw?? especially without texting or emailing or scheduling first?!?!?! 99% of the calls that come to my phone are spam trash and nobody even uses a phone any more for like. phoning.
hm so maybe i should actually schedule more irl beeswax aka business stuff cuz it's just more fun working over a coffee for palz instead of holed up in the studio (aka room in my apartment that has been converted) all alone (aka with my cat). well i mean I live with Jade but she sleeps til like 1PM lmao.
xoxo dedcity
4/25/22 mood: grrahh?
oh look at me updating in the afternoon/evening? oooh??
i'm so rusty, i'm never skipping a drawing day again haha. well. idk that's prob bad habits but oh man it does not feel good to lag lol
been a very/relatively quiet day but it's hard ta chill when yer all out of smokes, haha. eughh. i actually managed to enjoy my weekend though and played a bunch of fo:nv and that was rly nice. sometimes i wish i could go back to rdr2 but honestly that game is so emotionally taxing in a good way haha. maybe i'll even break out the witcher 3 who knowwwwwwssss. i actually never beat it technically so i'm doing my yen run right now but honestlyyy i am a bit curious what happens if you choose triss? i know geralt Isn't Supposed To End Up With Her but i am so wonder-ing. i am doing this new thing where i embrace doing nothing when i'm supposed to. xx.
deadciteeyyyyeyey <33
4/23/22
ha ha ha guess i'm going on tour again this year. okay so i actually really fucking love doing cons/readings/panels and going on tour but i haven't tabled in like 2 years Since The Panini so i am rusty af and i have no idea how to talk to people any more. i mean i am a bit of an idiot and i knew id have to actually like. go and promote my stupid book (it's not stupid i'm just tired and have neck pai n rrrrr). so i'm doing the midwest and nyc this fall.
i also am a big ol idiot and scheduled two of my most important Dates on the same weekend so i either have to fly hungover the MORNING of a convention from ANOTHER CONVENTION or fly at night and misss.... the friday night parties i like at that convention LMAO. seriously though barcon is important (don't... don't even at me) and i'm mostly there after hours exclusively to see friends so it matters! a bit!!! but i should PROBABLY GET SOME SLEEP for the thing i'm supposed to be tabling at cuz it IS important... more important than getting smashed at barcon...
xoxo deadcityy
4/22/22 mood: smiles somewhat
friday! my editor brought the redesigns to their team early this week so i'm just hanging out but everything seems to be pointing towards Good Signs. we went through a couple rounds of revisions and i'm supes happy with it xoxoxoxo
i've got a lotta nonprofit/charity stuff to do, i'm helping my students from last semester work on a thing they're publishing for their big final in their major (i don't actively teach but [niche thing] doesn't have a lotta people in it and so i find myself filling in a semester or two of [niche fundamentals] at [niche majors at niche art school]. gotta use that stupid graduate degree for something right haha. seriously though my former students are great and they're super chill and i do enjoy teaching [niche thing]. and theeeen i have a charity book i'm doing for the ukraine peace effort to assist with ukranian refugees and that's gonna be an ongoing thing, it's nice to turn my brain off and draw someone else's thing again and also help in the process! <3333
uggg the only reason why the notes/feedback on the char redesigns could be taking this long is.......... they LIKE them, lol. Which means I'm in for another world of waiting for next steps cause i'm an impatient asshole. i'm trying to turn my brain off for recouperation purposes cuz i gotta dive headfirst into some head-usage shit next week. pencils and emails and bullshit arg. but if i turn the tap on too soon i'll burn through the weekend and that's no good. ugh. i actually have a backlog of shit i'm supposed to finish writing and then i'll 3 straight non-com'd books one after another so i need to uhhhhh think about doing something in another genre cause i can't keep stacking these lmao. matthew mcconaughey cigarette dot jpeg. writing is my fave part of the process though so it's kinda what i'm looking forward to lol
xoxo deadcityyyy
4/21/22 mood: bleh!
all those people who are like "when you get older you will get a hangover after like 3 drinks" was.... right lmao. i aint even that old and i feel bodied this morning after a night out haha
actually i do for real feel a bit nauseous so this is getting less funny by the minute haha. maybe i should just try and forget about it
waiting on getting my notes back on some stuff, just kinda hanging on. we did bump into kay and ethan outside their apartment on the way home from the bar though funnily enough, lol
sorry for no fun work stories today, i'm just chillin out in maintenance mode for a bit ey
xoxodeadcity
4/20/22 mood: .....
i'm so tireddddddd ugghhhfffff
got tons of sturff to get through/do today but it's gonna be fun :) i'm all booked up for the near future so that's quite exciting * ~ **
xoxo deadcity
4/19/20 mood: around. existing
Hooray it's Tuesday! Spent a lot of time yesterday planning/discussing the alumni association for my grad school and figuring out technical stuff for making it as accessible to the student/alum body as possible! (sounds boring but i'm p excited about it, i really enjoyed school and my undergrad had a great alum network so it's cool to be helping to set one up here!) Also watched a LOT of Kitchen Nightmares, did the groceries, smoked until I forgot why i watched all those episodes of Kitchen Nightmares, it was a good surprise holiday-day.
if I don't hear back from the intake place by Friday i'll just go with the slightly more expensive but definitely-will-call-you-back telehealth psychology thing my friend Willow suggested. It's based out of state for me but really I just want to give a clinical psych some money to help me again, it's telehealth so that should be okay eh?
Going to the diner for brunch with Kay and Ethan today yay, Jade the GF is coming too! I actually totally forgot so I gotta enjoy my workday before I wrench myself outta the work zone and enjoy a lovely coffee with friends before re-entering the work zone. I'm that guy who works for like 6 hours and forgets to eat lunch, but if you yank me outta there.... good luck trying to get me BACK to work, haha. I either need to take the world's longest 2-3 hour lunch and get off work at 8PM OR eat at my desk and work 9-5 like a normie person. (Why am I even doing this? I'm a work from home freelancer! Answer: I secretly love emails and also I def have gotten gigs from just being the first person around at the time..... not always, and they ALWAYS make ya audition, but.... it helps. LOL)
xoxo deadcity
4/18/22 mood: upside down!
YOU GUYS THE BAR WAS CLOSED. It was EASTER. oh my god lmao. guess we're going on Wednesday cuz that's when the bar reopens?!?
AND i forgot it was easter so i was really excited to get back on the ol workhorse but IT'S A FUCKIN PUBLIC HOLIDAY so i guess i'll just sit here and work alone in my fuckin house booooooooo. Why do we get all these xtian holidays off but everyone else has to take time off for THEIR religion or holidays? Like wtf why can't you block in Diwali or Lunar New Year or Yule or something. why do we have to fend for ourselves when those christian folks get their religion subsidized by the state /shrug. I didn't grow up in the States so this is always a surprise to me. also i miss getting 2 weeks off for xmas then 2 weeks off for CNY. (not that it matters when you work from home/are a freelancer but shit. fuck. why. ??? )
watching/catching up on the news and probably gonna hit the road with drawings anyway. the good thing about loving your job is that you want to be there... but... when you make your whole life your job well. I think I'm being probably a bit shitty because it's obviously an encompassing thing. like if you're an illustrator or an artist or animator or modeler you probably really enjoy art in all aspects of your life. Do people who finally get to work on their own IPs also want to work on their offdays??? this is a good thing right??? i bet alex hirsch worked on/wanted to mentally exist in gravity falls on his off-days, lol.
one time my old workplace did a "4 days a week" workweek.... then asked everyone to come in on Fridays anyway to work overtime... and made the days like 10 hours long.... and didn't raise anyone's salary (nobody was hourly). what a scam lmfao
xoxo deadcityyy
4/17/22 mood: sideways
Downside to the archived page: I can't scroll down to see what I wrote last week!
idk if I wrote about this but I handed in my character redesigns to the editor last week and we had a ball working together on [genre]-ifying the designs, lol. I fucking LOVE collaborating. I'm usually over here in my art hole doing shit in the dark and then turning everything in all at once.... which.... I shouldn't do... lol. I'm still getting used to working with editors even though everyone I've worked with is so nice!
I was supposed to have a call with my parents' therapist to describe my mom's break with reality (my dad offered to hop on the call with me but I said it'd be ok) and it went AWFUL. I didn't even get to talk about my mom's reality break at ALL when the therapist set off my horrid PTSD and I just blanked out and said whatever and I had to email my dad afterwards to tell him I... didn't get to say jack shit lol. ALL THAT ASIDE clearly there's something still wrong with me so I've decided to go back to seeing a clinical psych regularly to keep my PTSD in check and shit. I mean... I am certain my PTSD in this case comes from my toxic mom (who's done shit I can't really or don't really want to talk about here) and I'm too scared to tell HER therapist cause I don't want her to get in trouble yknow? But this is why I should probably see my OWN therapist again haha. Apparently this shit was supes inappropriate and someone who wasn't my therapist shouldn't be pushing me to reconnect with anyone but it threw me all for an awful loop so I'm just going back to the Brain Doctor lol. I was going so great.... but I'll be okay!
I'm really falling in love with my characters (back to the first paragraph... thanks for coming to the deadcity neurodivergent show) and talking to someone who loves them as much as I do is WILD. It's weird cause they're adaptations of existing characters, so they're like... my versions of someone ELSE's characters? But I've tweaked them so much the "based on" is very much "based on", haha. The editor has her faves and I have MY fave (the closeted bully character with a heart of gold and an oppressive dad, LMAO.) I can't fucking wait for this thing to happen and be out in the world, I haven't gotten stuck in on something this big in a whhhiiIIIIllle. I guess since my last book LMAO
So there's THAT, and there's my debut thingything coming out this fall, and I've got to hop on the phone next week to discuss TWO MORE FUCKIN PROJECTS so I guess I don't mind so much that the PB got shitcanned??? haha. I have to make it clear I'm totally cool with working on two books at once cuz I feel like I can take on more/I'm not busy enough and if I don't SAY then people won't KNOW. Must remember to bring it up on the phone haha
well i am finally in a decent mood and i like writing in this thing and no one can stop me lol. I had a really good talk with Jade yesterday and I love her so much!!!! We've been dating a LONG ASS TIME and honestly it just gets better and better. She fuckin rules :)
I picked up another NIB doll I was looking for yesterday!! She's in a real busted up box but I really do love fixing up and unboxing fucked-up-box dolls, haha. She's got all her accessories and everything, so I think she just needs a little TLC :) if you told me as a kid i'd be buying and restoring precious articulated dolls as a grown ass adult i would never have believed you lol. (but i'd be impressed by my cool doll collection, haha. And probably ask why i don't own any CDs)
OH YEAH and Radika and i are finally going to the bar tonight lmao
xoxo deadcity
4/15/22 mood: hypnotoadeyes.gif
I did it, I split the journal up into archive pieces! yay. haha.
My gf Jade's dad is visiting and she gets along well with him so that's good! I just feel like making little notes here is a good/weird way of keeping track of my life yknow? like i really like going back and reading old journal entries to see who i used to be cause i have a shit memory.
more l8r! xoxo deadcity
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