8/15/22 mood: ha! ha! i'm sad!!
my book comes out in 3 fuckin weeks and im having a mini heart attack ha ha ha aha ha kajhfjkhkajh i am so fuckin unprepared. at least it's not a solo book and it's an IP so I can kinda chill but ahdghjahgjhag work is startign up againa nd i'm flipping out omfg. I FEEL SO WEIRD. like this thing's coming out and I don't have an artsy solo book this year and i'm just. idk. idkidkdidkdk. after this i get to work on my own stuff again and THAT DOESN'T FEEL REAL. like wtf i almost forgot i write my own stuff. i mean i have another IP book to finish writing this year and a lettering contract but then... after that.... it's back to doing stuff I invented again? for the first time? maybe? idk i know this isn't making much sense but like. ig i've been working for the hypothetical Waffle House so long I forgot what it's like to make my own Waffles??? anyway my agent is finishing up notes on my 3rd-in-slot GN so fff everything is getting along and I'm so behind. i haven't organized the book stock delivery to cons and i haven't told fuckin anyone where i'm gonna be for half the thing and i need to figure out if i want to cram myself in a train for hours instead of going to the airport fff
ANYWAY. ANYWAYANYWAY my tiny little heart attack. somehow i'm also feeling more like myself lately which. ha ha funny cosmic joke. good job there, self. wtf. maybe it's all the new found glory i'm listening to lmao. i'm on a weird emo kick lately. don't @ me i know they're poppunk/hardcore lol
like staring into an abyss. ughhhh. maybe i broke my brain too hard on all that dragon age.
xoxoxooxoxox deadcityyy xxxoooo
8/13/22 mood: ??
not me updating on a weekend??? moi??? i????
i forgot to take my antidepressants this morning and the whole day has been that bojack horseman joke. "I think they make you anti-depressed??" lmao. i'm starting to be on the uptick but i slept for like a 3-4 hour nap after waking up at like fuckin noon and being depressed as shit lmao. mystery solved
i've been obsessively replaying DA:I because I guess I had that stupid banter bug??? and beat the whole game AND Trespasser with 80+ hours of... no... banter... to the point... where I googled if DA:I had banter at all... just saying I think fast traveling to the Black Emporium busts the shit out of that game. i used to work as a qa analyst so i went a little bit ham on the thing trying to figure it out and trigger everything correctly and now i can't relax lmfao. oe well
i also have a witcher 3 playthrough i've been meaning to get back to but i'm a bit distracted cuz i also slept through the day and therefore hain't eaten all fucking day /// reporting back: made delicious fucking pasta. gordon ramsey finally some good fucking food dot gif.
ok i'm back again to talk shit lol. prefacing this with jade & i discuss assorted cuties all the time so she's in on my blathering lol. there's this dude i think is suuuuper cute and he's gonna be at this work thing next month and i'm just gonna blab about it lol. ok so he's like really buff which is not usually my type BUT he's also like, really into history and like fancy ivy league shit? i feel like such a dumbass lmao. but he's like all oldschool country club cute/dashing and really smart and shit and uhhhh also queer so hey guess who got really really lucky it's me lmao. anyway he's an absolute treat and also he spent a lot of time in the uk and I spent a lot of time there and ig idk idk he's just real cute hahaha. ANYWAY we're internet mutuals and he said he can't wait to finally hang and i am a big dumb giggly idiot haha. i'm mostly a trash raccoon but i am a city kid thru and thru and there's a big former angeleno part of me who's like yeaaaa let me impress you with my appreciation of mixology and 19th-century armaments. i know it's fukin weird that captain trash boy has a big dumb crush on mr barbells and tweed waistcoat darcy but maybe that's why i'm into him lol. hope he wants to get swept away by some fucker in a leather jacket and a weird attitude. tee hee hee. i wonder if he's into me. i haven't had a crush on anyone in years lmfao.
anyway thank you for reading my very thirsty rant lmao. a thirst that can only be sated by flirting with era-specific come-ons about the Georgians
xoxoxooxoxoxo deadciteyyyyyyy
8/10/22 mood: /sigh////
been feeling a bit under the weather slash completely wacked out lately haha. i had a weird thing where i just went down a rabbit hole on vacation and it was weird ig. prepping for tour season now which is fun. actually sent some emails and tomorrow i'm chasing down a paycheck that ive been ignoring b/c im that guy now i guess. also fuck talking on the phone. and yet life still feels weirdly glamorous lmao. maybe it's all the underlighting i installed in the living room rcently. idk i feel weird like i said but good overal ig. i think everything's gonna be ok. really.
xoxoxoox deadcityy
8/5/22 mood: ehh
i am not a reddit person but wow that demoralizing analysis bar under your posts, huh. i have no idea why i post my art there lmao everyone's perfectly nice but it's like a little demoralization machine lmao. doesn't matter if i'm happy with my work or whatever but i absolutely tried to math out the number of downvotes based on the percentage? it's bad lol. my least fave thing. somehow the youtube dislike button doesn't bug me?? maybe it's the meter?? anyway. i have an obsessive personality and get all TJ from Recess re: why don't you likeeee meeee. everyone else liiiiikes meeeee. which is dumb lol absolutely not everyone likes me and i esp come across douchey on the internet b/c i overcompensate for niceness irl ANYWAY
so yeah psa you can be a professional posting yer silly art on reddit who draws for major franchises and some redditors can still make you question your choices by not being unilaterally supportive of your dumb fanart lmao. funny thing is i dont keep rejection lists IRL for my job and i have a suuuuper water off a ducks back attitude re: my job but i think. maybe. i misinterpret people's personal preferences as being knocks on the quality of my work. (like you gotta get over than in IP or i'd be a puddle of anxiety all the time haha.) i'm absolutely being a TJ over this though i know better and should stay away lmao. nothing freaks me out more than fandoms but i had a really nice time hanging out in the fashion doll space (ironic? maybe? doll people are actually really nice on insta??)
OKAY WAIT. one thing that DOES affect me is that posting fanstuff in a place and getting not-universal-praise makes me think I can't do stuff for the ACTUAL FRANCHISE and that's like. kind of. nuts. obv i cannot and never participate posting/reading fanstuff for the IPs I do stuff for ~*~*~*legal reasons~*~*~*~*~ aka the last thing anyone needs is someone from ao3 suing X-Y-Z b/c i wrote a barbie dream house book where raquel and midge hide a dead body b/c it's similar to the plot of "Raquel And Midge Hide A Dead Body: A Rope Of Sand", a 60-page fic from 2014). uhh.
WELL I JUST WROTE SO MANY WORDS ABOUT MY INSECURITIES ABOUT FANDOM TAKING AWAY MY PURE WEIRD LOVE FOR A THING anyway off i go. i think maybe i just get scared of people. which is funny cuz i'm a people person outside of sharing things i love. maybe i just like quietly holding my little things by myself. also obligatory working on IP is like doing fanstuff for money so i feel weird about everything sometimes. idk why lmao but when i see something i'm gonna TJ over I just. have. to. disengageeeeeee
xoxoxo. dedcity.
8/3/22 mood: wheee
back to beeswax (bizness). ay.
yall see the jacked roayalty statements from oni lately. >_> anyway. ill stop harping. no i wont. im waiting for files from people so im back to complaining. yay. ig.
helping jade some more with set stuff while i wait! did you know that entire publisher going under (maybe? maybe?!?!??) will delay someone getting you your files so you just have to walk aimlessly around your house like quentin tarantino in the window meme
anyway. anywayanyway. been playing a lottttaaa lotta lotta dragon age to kill time lol. tryin out the Blackwall/Lavellan romance and it's actually p cute. She knows she's not the Herald and started off being just in it for power and he knows he's not a Warden but putting on those uniforms makes them both better people. Ugh. Tragic. <33333
one of my IP books dropped early in oz and i wasn't handling it super well lmao and freaked out cuz i thought everyone was gonna hate it. but it turned out ok!!!! i think!!! i had a lot of fun working on it and it's nice to see people enjoying my art :) it's still so squishy but like. i'll reserve my emotions/labor for the big drop in autumn :)
doll collecting: okay okay i'm giving in and buying that hair metal mermaze doll. I am not a mermaids guy but I am def a metal guy and honestly she's giving the vibes. my quest to collect every gothic/alternative/punk fashion doll in existence continues. my life's work lmao
ecks oh ecks oh deadciteyyyyyyyy xxxx
7/25/22 mood: whoa am i in a good mood? what? whoa
it's true!! i don't feel like shit!! lmao
jade was in a rut over her job on the weekend so i helped her talk it out and she's feeling/doing much better :> i love the shit outta her. aaaa.
ive been playing sooooo. muuuuuuch. da:i. recentlyyyyy. it sux that i can only play it on console cuz i don't have a ~*~gaming pc*~ but like. i never beat it?? something about DA feels like coming home and fixing something. idk idk. maybe b/c Origins came out when i was in high school and it was the game i was playing when i first went to college. so it's like. alistair and morrigan and all the guys were with me when i first left for college and started my freshman year. idk it's weird but going back and playing them again, and continuing the story as an adult, reeeeaheahllllehahllly hits. when dreadwolf comes out im going to fucking cry. good-cry.
back 2 werq todayyyy. ay.
omfg i just got paid for friday lol. i never check my fuckin paypal and i should haha. i did a lil lecture and it went great i think and now I have a lil extra scratch for buying an insane amount of fashion dolls. (Real answer: pocketing this and spending like $30 on that Mila Berrymore Shadow High doll. lmao).
maybe working on this bodice ripper for fun was actually fun, also. haha. i got a lot of shit out lol. i literally do not write adult stuff unless it's adult comedy (idk why? how did i get into this niche re: when i do adult stuff?) so sometimes i forget that like. outside of YA are grownups who are allowed to write and read this shit haha. if i wanna write my dumbfuck gay af historical romcom bodice ripper intrigue for off-hours then i get tooooo. also v funny to write the historical bonin' scenes listening to late 90's slow jams. like read a Fabio or a GoT slashfic listening to Fefe Dobson or something it's fucking great. hilarious? great? great. (i don't watch GoT. i just don't wanna keep referencing DA and Witcher like a broken record lmao)
ANYWAY back to work this week! I am totally not procrastinating!!!! I am totally not thinking of plot points for my sexytime medieval boner fic. At all. Ha ha.
seriously though i've also been devving this sex-positive adult (like FOR adults, not "adult") horror comedy GN that's a take on a classic college slasher. i mean it seems p obv but i'm real excited to work on it. but i have [REDACTED FUCKING ACTUAL BOOK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING ON BLUH LMAO ARG] and [PRECIOUS BABY SWEET CHILD O MINE MAGICAL MYSTERY SPECIAL OGN] and then. then. and then?????????? the book???? i actually??? signed with my agent for???? will go on sub?????? after these two are fuckin done?!?!?? (well after the first one is done shit needs to overlap or i will be poor and evicted and go back to crashing on peoples dorm room floors for safety) time is fake and a flat circle apparently. (this is the part where i impotently yell to my invisible internet audience that this is not my first book rodeo and ive been doing this for six years for other people/IP/loud yelling/etc. but my first Big 5 book is coming out this year. lol. so i get to brag a lil. obligatory self-effacing lol.) Honestly I didn't think I'd end up writing so many romcoms (er. roms? .....roms with com?!?!?!?!??) as an adult. Er romcoms in genre settings? idk. whatever. i am just saying that i didn't think my great literary achievement would be making two assholes talk about their feelings and kiss or whatever. (joke being that nobody actually kisses anyone in my romcoms because i'm a weird idiot who loves drama. also b/c i am the king of the slow burn.)
anyway.... anyway.... i'm... totally not procrastinating. hey who do i get so defensive when i talk about my job??? who do i blame for that? myself? haha
xoxoxooxoxo deadcityyyyyyy <3333
7/22/22 mood: shrieking. sobbing. lmao.
ha ha ugh i am a wreck lately idk why. idk idk
my agent gets back from vacay next monday so i get to bug her again about shit and i finally get to talk sub strategies for my precious baby sweet child o mine OGN, thank the dark lord satan, so that's v v v nice. i'm supposed to be teaching tonight and thats fine but sometimes i get all bleh and wheh about it even though it's an easy chill thing like life drawing or whatever. it's irresponsible but i just wanna shut myself into my house and write this stupid bodice ripper novel ive been fucking around with for fun. i do not write bodice rippers for work and i have no idea what to do with this shit when i'm done with it but part of me is like. hey remember writing for fun. remember writing for fun instead of for someone else's 8-season comedy special. yea. (shh i fuckin love IP, idk why people are so shitty about it, i like a) getting paid and b) man wow disrespect other people's IP much? lmao. eh i always feel shitty when i rant about this but like. if i had to outsource out my IP one day for licensed bullshit i want people who care? and like, i've actually gave a shit, a LOT of a shit, about each IP i get to work on. it's like playing with someone else's dolls or like writing a fanfic for your friend's world. people CAAARE. a lotttt. anyway. did this paragraph start with a bracket? is this officially an aside now? am i hamletting)
anyway like i said i just wanna work on my dum dum hobby bodice ripper thing, which is unsellable, but like i'm doing it for fun, but i gotta actually be responsible and like. prep for teaching this afternoon/evening. i am always torn about whether i wanna teach more cuz i actually like it? and the students seem to respond well? ha. but like a big part of me also wants to hermit away and do my comics or whatever. bleeee. i mean i always feel like this so maybe i should just acknowledge that and double down on the gig stuff. but like. teaching is nice? it's work? also? and a nice thing to know i can do in the event of an entire publishing house shutting down ahem ahem thank you for being a big old fuckface polarity do you know how many contracts youve personally tanked ha ha jkhafkjhfkajh (i'm extra bitter cuz of oniforge casualties last time obv. ag. ah.)
beep beep. xoxoxoxoxo deadcity
7/15/22 mood: lmao. ay
okay nobody's figured out i own this blog right? which means i can just lose me shit on here about oni press lmfao
IT'S BEEN LIKE A FOUR YEAR. THREE YEAR?! SINKHOLE OVER HERE HA. HA HA i know we're losing a storied comics institiution but Lionforge running them into the ground is like. okay. when that merger happened everyone was like lol lmao who tf do lionforge think they are AND they laid off like half of oni's staff (AND my book was a merger casualty so i'm salty lmfao) and now like. four years later. THE SAME SHIT IS HAPPENING and like Chu is out and Meadows is out and everyone who used to work there is gone?!?! i know people are like "ohoho who's gonna run the company now" but like THEY ARE GUTTING IT NO?
rumors are circulating they're dropping all creator owned stuff and only pushing IP out next which makes sense cuz they FIRED EVERYONE but also apparently my lettering contract is still ont he table?!?! but like i'm not gonna get burned by oni TWICE LMAO so when my agent gets back from vacay i'm giving her my panicked earful of "oh my god i need money but not if they're gonna cancel this thing before they pay me". i can't even imagine what it's like to have a book coming out right now from them. IF IT WILL??? and I thought pubbing in the panini was bad?!?!
just jfccccccc if you're not in comics you might not know what an absolutely dumpster fire shitshow this is but imagine some rich rando failing at his own business, buying a successful business to make up for it, then running THAT into the ground. and now suddenly, like, Costco doesn't exist
it's just fuggen bizarre though. i mean there's the whole royalties issue which like. i know some people are owed over 10k at the moment and if that's not a red flag you're literlly being that Bojack joke.
just fuckin bziarre to fire evryone on your 25th anniversary and pull out of SDCC like two weeks before it's supposed to happen and everyone was sipping tea about how the ship is sinking but it's honestly fucking BIZARRE to see Oni Press of all people get pulled down by this weird capitalist shit. I know I know Oni had its OWN issues way back DURING the OniForge thing but this is like. Forge done made it worse, right?
it's just fuckin weird like without Oni it's just what. Boom and First Second doing indie comic kidlit out there??? (overgeneralization, i know there's a shitton of indies but like come on let's be real for a fuckin sec) and like. Okay if they're retconning all their creator-owned does that mean they're jettisoning Scott Pilgrim or if your creator-owned makes it big does it count as IP now?!?
and oh my god i had a whole fucking rant about everything else planned too but the Oni thing is kind of an eternal fire right now and I cannot believe my agent went on vacation yesterday lmfao. (lovingly. a loving lmfao. she's fantastic and she fucking deserves the best vacation and not to be boethered by a comics dumpster fire BUT i do not envy her trying to handle this shit when she gets baaaack.)
headless chicken screaming-ly, deadcity xoxooxox
6/20/22 mood: mystery box!
Shit Feels Weird Lately TM. haha. idk if that's anything. or anything that makes sense. but doncha feel shit's weird around here lately? idk. lol. maybe it's the weather.
added some fun new dollz to my collection. love love love goth stuff, haha. (but cant u tell?)
yknow i thought i had more to share today... but seriously, feels weird around here, haha. i s2g it's the weather though. it's colder today so it's like we're goin backwards. and i have to plan my ding dang tour dates. although i just blew a nutz amount of my tour budget on plane shit. how nuts? not that nuts. feels more nuts than usual cuz plane tickets are so expensive now?!?!? also ig nobody's leaving nyc on [redacted major event weekend] so tix are more expensive ha ha ha? whatev
jade & i are planning a double featyre movie nite! she hasnt picked her film yet but i'm making her watch kingsman 2, lol. yayyy.
yours spookily, deadcityyy
6/15/22 mood: continuousrage
bleh. argh. bleurrrrr
i am absolutely procrastinating i have to resize like a gajillion things by hand today to fit into specs for merch and i do not want to do it. i do not. no thank you
im also a dumbass who skipped breakfast cuz i got delivery for brunch. lunch??? but it is not here yet and prob wont be for a while so i feel quite silly. i should just have some clif bars at all times ugh
well anyway i wish i had more funs tuff to do but it's all boring af admin stuff. i have to book a train ticket and i have to resize shit and i have to chase people down with phone calls which i fuckin hate but like what's gonna happen if i dont?? nothing. thats what. bleh arg. i could complain for hours. foreverrrrrrr. haha. it does make me feel better tho. < 3
xoxoxoox deadcityye
6/14/22 mood: grrraaagghh
you guys see that insulting as fuck [insert digital platform here i can't believe i have to censor this lmao hooray anonymity] subway ad?!?!?! spoiler alert it insults an entire fucking group of artists who work on a specific platform/medium and it's uh. fucking holy shit i am so mad lmao. i know this is obtuse but i'm angry and this is my weird obtuse journal lol. ffffuck. on the other hand if you're on twitter and work in pub right now enjoy being mad with me
xoxo dedciteyyyyy
6/13/22 mood: feh
thank you all for being so nice about my weird little diary. heyyy
every day after winter it feels like im waking up from a coma. every morning its like OH YEAH THAT'S HOW BRAIN WORK. seasonal affective disorder?? personal health problems??? i have a chronic thing that i'm not gonna fuckin ID but like anemia brainworms doesn't do THAT. lol. uh does it??
ANYWAY im super fuckin excited cuz i get to go on TTTTTTTOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRRRR THIS EYAR AGAIN AHAHHAHA YAY. i haven't been on your since uh obvs 2019 so its super exciting to see all my friends againa nd do promo and aaaaa i ahvent been out of the hosue in like year ah fuck aaaaaaa
anyway anyway it's for an IP book so it's like eh gonna be fun but im more excited about signing an meetin fans and shit (still feels wrird even though theyre not my fans?? some of them are ig??? readers???? MODS???) and hanging with my friends than promo-ing but uhhh hey it'll sitll be a good time :) Jade thinks I'm massively underestimating this IP's fanbase's ability to turnt out but I'm still like "yeah but like it's just me. so why would they" and Jade's like "uhhhh cuz they care about the IP??? when have YOU cared about who's drawing YOUR fave IP. like would you not go get a Witcher book signed if you didn't know the artist" she kind of has a point. (she REALLY has a point.)
anywayyyyy i don't know how many books to ship to the first con cuz my pub isnt gonna be there cuz its a small press con im personally a BIG FAN OF so i gotta get them to box up some stuff for it. first time working on a ip with younger fans too so it'll be diff than my usual loveable teen shithead crowd (love u)
replaying da:o with the morrigan restoration mod < 3333 ugh morrigan. she's perf3ect. i know this playthrough is gonna break my heart again and again but ughhhh MORRIGAN THO. my original bestie
i'm also collabing on the other side of things (first time since my shitcanned PB??? whoa???) writing Book for an Artist. feels fuckin weird to be on the writer side man. I feel like im going alan moore pverboard with a lot of this shit but i personally like it when writers load me with ref AND the artist asked me for ref BUT i still feel like oh noooo what if they dont wanna hear me. That's dumb tho. I gotta drive the boat (speciifcally bc the editor and artist put me in charge of the aesthetic boat?!?!?!) which makes sense cuz uh i was the original artist on this proj but they replaced me with someone with a more delicate (not a read, legit a good thing) touch re: art style LOL. that way we get my bukowski ass being illo'd by beardsley. (yea she's as good as beardsley dont @ me lol. also insert joke here about me being more of a hungover hunetr s thompson than a bukowski)
booked up my summer too i know everyones going on vacay in aug but i kiiiinda wanna book up aug anyway. FUCK YOU LOL. summer is fake and i lvoe my job (and i love summer too but whatev). maybe it's good for me to take a break then though? secretly i want negot's for the above writing thing finish up before then so i can spend all summer wrrriiiitttinnggggggg yayyyyyyy. but who knows pub is the slowest industry ever except maybe video games and theatre lol
luv yaaaaa
xoxo deadcityyy
5/18/22 mood: eh
split the archive pages again! feels good to write in a journal. sometimes it skeeves me out to see so many people reading it but it honestly feels good to be putting this stuff out there and not be screaming into a void i KNOW no one cans ee yanno?
i have a super fun big phone call today!!! not being sarcastic either lmao. i love editorial meetings
spring is here!! usually this is not something to blawg about but man spring fucking sprung like a punch in the face. trees went from blank to green and the cherry tree outside just fucking smashed it within like a week. wild shit
watching some youtube while i get readyf or the dayyyyy. had a fun weekend with Jade getting hammered and watching creator clash, sorry not sorry lmfao. i do not talk about youtube with anyone b/c i;m like. [ambiguously between 29 and 30 please don't docks me] except me and jade are total trash people who absolutely paid twnty five bux to watch supermega get punched out. jade has a big crush on ryan and i'm a matt guy so it was a treat lol. didja see that Dad swingin coming out??? i hope they invite him back to the next one lol. 99% of my friends are too classy for this shit so it's me and jade all the way down usually lawl. they will watch like actual wrestling but this might be a shade too far haha. (i wish i was into wrestling??? shit looks so fun?)
downloaded xcom 2 again?? oh no lawl
okayokay off to work. i have like 3 pages to fuckin color this week which seems like not a big deal at all actually but i like to complain b/c. you know. stacked projex. aura of busyness. must let people think i am justified in my professionalism aaaaa
ok ok for real b4 my brain melts haha
exoh exoh deadciteeeyyy
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