12/29/22 mood: D:
hi lol
shoutout to SZA for putting out the most amazing breakup album this year just in time for my first breakup in 5 years lmao (no i am still not over darcy haha i'm a mess) i think i've listened to F2F a million times already
eh whatever in work news shit's great! ig! my advance is coming thru next month and my book was on the PW frontlist every week this year since it came out and I'm still idk miserable ha ha ha. i'm obv some sort of depressed but man. what do i even do about that. i live in a town with 20k people and all the therapists are booked up. telehealth costs an insane amount of money, and as a guy with like a Diagnosed Mental Disorder nobody wants to do actual ptsd therapy in free counseling cuz they're not like. qualified. LOL
it'll just have to be this sza album and workaholism IG
it's fuckin professorship season and i actually got off my dumb ass applied to like 17 assistant prof of illustration/[niche industry] positions so i can move on with my life and have some stable $$ while I crank out my day job (beloved beloved comics & IP). i can't believe darce and i are contemporaries this was so dumb why did i do this lol. we have to see each other ALL THE TIME augh. he invited me to crash in his guest room when i come to his town for interviews next year ugh what. i know he's just a blissfully naive dickhead who's on his first year out as being single since being fucking married for like 8 years (!! point: neither of us are that old lol he married MAD early i cannot imagine) and I'm like. man my slut era was my early 20s lmao. sometimes i don't think he realizes some of the shit he does as a friend kinda stings in that way ig. like..... oh okay yeah NOW you have time to take me to the bar when i visit. neat. fuck you man. but all this makes me feel like a bad friend i dunno
doll news: i somehow managed to snag myself a reel drama frankie doll for xmas so it wasn't all a wash. ha ha.
i have officially been mourning this non-relationship longer than we'd been dating (""dating"""" cuz my dumb ass doesn't realize daily good-morning-handsome texts means SOMEONE LIKES YOU IDIOT) so it is sooooooooooo full on time to move on. I actually kinda have a bit of a crush on this girl in my V:TM group who I went to grad school with, we used to do karaoke together :V she just got the sickest fuckin chestpiece also. sigh. maybe there is hope in the world after all haha
man i'm never gonna find myself in someone else yanno?????? haha. i was also just thinking how yesterday I was like. spending all day playing South Park: The Stick of Truth and laughing at dick jokes and how none of this was ever gonna work out with a guy who "doesn't watch youtube videos" b/c he doesn't watch shit on his computer. idk. still like him. deadcity rules state if i enjoy someone's company they get to live in my world, so.
i'm doing some last minute syllabus changez for an app and then ugh idk idk idk i miss work a lot. my agent sent me the SWEETEST CARD EVER for the holidays and she's SO SUPPORTIVE ugh. it's like having a parent who's actually proud of you haha
hey internet i'm a messssss xx
xoxo dedcityy
11/30/22 mood: !
long time no see huh??
i am being a bad person and listening to a shitton of taylor swift lmfao. my goth facade is down!! (anyway.) it's been a weird week and oh man adeline and i have been being Supportive Friends b/c now ronnie is ALLSEWW going thru a divorce (oh boy my friends are all hitting their 30s yayyyy lmfao). and man idkidkik iv'e been talking to Darcy about it cuz he's my Most Recently Divorced Friend and it sounds like an explosive thing and darce and I agreed it's like, we don't know ronnie or ex-mrs-ronnie well enough to assess wtf is going on, so being supportive is Hard????
ok yea might as well post some Darcy upates while the hot mess xpress rolls into the station. lmao. Ok so we had a video chat last Friday which was just supposed to be dinnertime cocktails but we ended up talking for EIGHT FUCKING STRAIGHT HOURS?!??!?!?!?! and I didn't even notice it was 3:30 am until I DID and was like "uhhhhh darcy how long has it been wtf day is it" lmao. ANYWAY. We had a super nice chat about everything and then just kinda chatted into the night lmao. we're really connecting as friends and uh so I just straight up was like "do you still fucking like me or what" and he said yes (?!?!!?!?!) and that one day he'd like a long term relationship with someone, just not now because, you know (indicates the entire rest of this blog lmao), and that he was totally open to one day trying this whole stupid thing again when he's NOT in the middle of a divorce from his abusive ex-husband, LMAO. I feel a lot better and also we talked for like fuckin hours about 19th century poetry and how Robert Frost was a little bitch and about video games and how he has motion sickness and how much he'd like Dorian from DA:I and oh noooooo stfu deadcity put a kibosh on this until next year when shit's all settled LOL. Right yeah cause we're supposed to be hanging out IRL again in NY on vacation and doing a big whole day at the Met and going drinking and everything and I'm pretty sure he's conniving something for then, b/c he's a planner and I luuuurve that in a guy/gal/enby. haha. b/cI was flexing on accessing the Good Met Pass so we could do the whole patrons lounge shit but honestly i just wanna get up on that ROOF, SON
oh my god what a paragraph haha
in non-darcy newz i am SO FUCKN HYPE for V:TM this saturday holy shiiiit. the one thing i wanna do is write more detailed scene setup/setting descriptions, but that's it! Yes I am procrastinating work! i'm supposed to be helping plan a dumbsocial media giveaway thing and also it's review copies season so ol deadcity is going to make friends with the post office v soon and v a lot. D:
ugh bleh ugh back to work xoxooxoxoxo dedcityyyyy
11/15/22 mood: singular ?
i feel like a moth (which as we know is a gothic butterfly) coming out of a cocoon (which as we know is a forced metaphor)
I had an amazing convo with Darcy yesterday that was 2 hours long and like 1. yeah no we can't get back together that guy is in the middle of his hot mess express era. He was like "yeah i've been overextending myself socially to run away from problems" and DON'T I KNOW THAT lol. been there. done that. got the t-shirt. etc etc. haha. 2. ig I did not fully realize this but even though his divorce hearing was a couple weeks ago it doesn't get finalized til january AND he only left his abusive POS ex like 6 months ago?? WHICH EXPLAINS A LOT. 3. ig he ALSO still feels Some Type of Way About Us/Me b/c he literally said he adores me and loves being with me and cooking with me and making cocktails with me and was grinning like an idiot the whole time and asked if we could visit NY at the same time in like Feb/March and do that Met+cocktails day like we were planning..... and said that it really was bad timing and he's just overloaded and he really likes me and all that jazz. Just, you know, no romance. :V which yknow i get. I mean I'm not a douchebag and I'm ALSO a ptsd-haver and so I totally get why Darce doesn't wanna be touched like. er. right now. lmao. But he's being so sweet. And...idk. It's weird b/c it's exactly what it says on the jar, y'know? I think I'm really falling for him. Man. Ugh. We just talked about trauma and our respective abusive POS's who no longer are in our respective lives, and I even showed him my signature lives-on-my-desk Monster High doll which is like. massively embarassing lol. but he was SO EXCITED and we ended up talking about like therapy and shit and also normal stuff like. idk. i really enjoy spending time with him and I'm glad we're friends. It's almost like we're closer/things are even "bigger" than just hooking up, if that makes sense?????
ANYWAY YEAH paragraph breaks? what??
i really wanna dive back into work mode but i have to take ANOTHER MASSIVE DETOUR TO THE DMV CUZ I'M AN IDIOT who forgot to renew his license before it expired ha ha ha ha ha jahkdlsjdhakjdk
idk! it feels like so many things are happening!! i feel like i'm actually growing as a person! whoa!!!!
xx dedcity
11/14/22 mood: ??
something is CLEARLY in the air lately
ronnie's wife walked out on them?!?!? they've been together since high school?!?!? being 30 is fucking BIZARRE. i feel so bad for them, i don't have a car so i can't go help out as much as I'd like, but they're only the next town over so hopefully I can order them some food or just be a good friend and listen?? it was SUPER dramatic and sudden and I'm honestly kind of shocked by all of it lol. (lol is an inappropriate way to end that sentence but i was born in the 90s so i punctuate with lols and lmaos, eat it)
ok ok AAAAAND the pub year is coming to a close AND HarperCollins is on strike again AND. AND. the ronnie drama spilled over to my work friends & to one of my closest friends (adeline) so I'm like. aaaaaa. everyone i know works in the same industry it's wild and we are all inadvertently part of some sort of weird ecosystem ig aaaaa.
closing out the year with a nice shiny new lettering contract while everything else implodes tho so YEAH i at least have something to work on this winter. i also applied for a temp job at the grocery store for winter so hey let's see where that goes!! next time I sign a big IP contract I'm fighting harder for royalties lmfao, growing up i never imagined i'd have to scoop potato salad to supplement my income as a bestselling illustrator smh
ig Darcy and I are having a virutal coffee hangout this morning?? he wants to catch up?? we had vague plans to chat this week so I texted him after running V:tM all night (which he DIPPED ON, which I can only assume is b/c er we just broke up, EVEN THOUGH he said it was because he made plans, i'm not dumb lmfao), which was like around midnight on a fuckign saturday, and not only does he text back right away but he texts again at 3am confirming? and this is a dude that goes to sleep at fucking 9:30 so what he's doing texting back within seconds on a sat night and not railing someone or being asleep or being out or whatever?? maybe he struck out and was just chilling on his phone that night. but also MAYBE IF YOU WERE AWAKE AND CHILLING ON YOUR PHONE YOU COULD'VE SHOWED UP TO THE GAME lmao. no no i know it's all awkward and whatever. maybe chatting with him today will make things better in time for our NEXT game three weeks from now lol. (it fucking better, i can't believe i have to wait 3 weeks to play VtM again, thanksgiving blows)
ronnie was supposed to do a huge friendsgiving but obv they're hella indisposed now ): I wonder if anyone's planning anything and if I can help them throw ronnie the best friendsgiving EVARRRR
Seriously though a lot of stuff exploded this week right??? a) me and darcy's nonrelationship, b) ronnie's marriage?!?!?!, c) it's end of year for pub season, d) Twitter is literally dying rn lol it's hard to watch the ship me and my friends all hang out on sink in real-time, e) HC is on strike and everyone's just cutting it early. ugh i know things are still going to pub board but that means I have to wait til 2023 to talk about my stupid fucking GN again. hate thissssss
thinking back though I think I've grown SO FUCKING MUCH over the last year that I'm essentially a completely different person than i used to be. which is great. kinda slaps tbh. glad i put myself out there. i missed my friends and i love meeting new ones, and this year was like, AMAZING for that. ugh. <*33333
eckses and ohhhs xxx deadcityyy
11/9/22 mood: man idk
driftin' around like an unhinged satellite
did some cool stuff with half my vtm group yesterday night! chilling today! i think i also mightve just needed some time away from darcy myself. i mean we fell pretty hard and fast and i was doing that thing where i get too clingy! so uh man whatever. i obviously have my own shit going on that i should figure out. but i'm excited to be friends with him again. it's not every day you meet someone who's the ivy league version of you, LOL. ugh. stupid darcy. even when he's breaking up he's too nice
i feel like i got run over my a steamroller though. like physically. :v
i think (did i type this already? brain is a hole. empty brain only coffee and sads) i needed some time on my own ALSEW? I met Darcy on the very very first day of my tour (though we were internet mutuals before that) and we broke up right now as I'm coming down off my last tour leg so it seems like it's all been a whole ass whirlwind when it seemed prob a little more elongated/grounded to darce. but i mean who am I kidding he's just as much of a hot mess express as I am just in a different way
so obviously whenever i'm sad i try to find myself in other people and at first I thought it was "oh bloo bloo i just need a romantic adventure" but it's not just that. Who knows what it is? Maybe if I play through the entirety of The Witcher I'll find out? Who the fuck knows
gonna buy a lighthouse and go live in it and like stare at birds all day and be depressed. scratch that, sad, not depressed, lol
who knows how i feel! i sure don't!
xxx dedcityy
11/8/22 mood: sigh
he wants to be FRIENDS! he wants to VIDEO CHAT ME on the reg now. what the fuck man
once upon a time there was a guy named deadcity who totally fell for this guy named darcy who was going through a divorce and he had the worst timing in the fucking world and their third official date coincided with the guy's divorce hearing and the vibes were all off obviously and it was a bad idea but now that guy is in his DMs wanting to be friends again because he wants to be around me still, but the divorce shit made him totally unreceptive to romance, but also deadcity does not buy that for one fucking second because, as listed below, he is also banging his way through half of boston right now. But he doesn't wanna bang me. He wants to chat and talk about feelings and be friends. what??
look maybe it's on me that i got all shippy instead of slowing it down. but he's really fucking keen on having me in his life and i don't know what the fuck. i thought it was all just for show but he's planning a regular vid chat and wants to keep playing v:tm with us? i just. I AM NOT USED TO PEOPLE TELLING ME THE TRUTH i just assumed "let's just be friends" was cover for 'bye fuck off now" but it's not! Darce is so weird!!! He himself admits he's very honest/face value and hasn't dated a lot and he's. well er i've seen him strike out on other guys and i think he's just painfully honest.
anyway it's his fuckin birthday today so i can't say shit but apparently we're video chatting on friday WHICH MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE FUCKIN -you know what no. No Regrets and all. It'll be fine. Who the fuck knows. Life is weird. I'm so tired and old or whatever.
ugh fuck this shit. also according to spotify and my living room i guess i listened to "Sorry It's Over" from the Monster High movie Boo York, Boo York on repeat and drank a lot of wine which is very funny to me
yours simp-ily! apparently!! i have no desire to go down the offspring song route again but god dammit i just wanna fucking feel something! ANYWAY YEAH HI SEE YOU LATER
xoxo dedcityy
11/7/22 mood: suck ym dick lol
okay so i'm obviously still broken up with and broken UP about it but apparently he just can't handle being romantic with someone because his brain is fried from the divorce and intimacy feels weird, is what i am understanding, so maybe i should be less of a bitch and calm down and fuck off.
so i'm being a good guy and fucking off even though darcy says he wants to be friends (and unfortunately he's literally the guy who invited his last ex over every single week FROM THE DAY THEY BROKE UP to his place for dinner) so anyway i am just. Pretty sure I'm second fiddle here haha
i have been having trouble feeling things lately. like any thing? for a while? i mean i have depression but i think dragon age 2 and darcy are the last and only thing to make me feel anything. like. at all. at all????????? i think this whole thing has obviously highlighted a problem I have with myself: oh boy deadcity are you having problems feeling things? did you do a bunch of shit in order to get hurt just to feel something? oh no dude you've done this before not this again, maybe you should once in a while figure out why you can't feel anything
i shed a single fucking tear while i fixed the hair on my monster high collection like i was in middle school and then that was it. i really really dislike that. i'm pretty broken up about it. so why can't i feel anything? anything at all? too bad i replayed fuckin dragon age inquisition twice before meeting darcy because that game has a way of getting under my skin. i could assemble a no-fail list of stuff that makes me cry all the time! Just stand around and day drink (i cannot do this i don't wanna be a dork but i'm at work even if i work from home haha) and put on stuff that I've wracked heaving sobs to in the past! Except I feel so weird and cold I don't know if it'll do anything. Anyway. My go-to sob time is Treasure Planet, Ever After High: Dragon Games (which I actually can't watch too much, like, maybe once a year if that because it weirdly hits me WAY TOO HARD), and maybe I'll even throw in the waking-up-from-a-coma episode of Archer, too. Why not. Why the fuck not. Maybe I can crank some sad juice out of this husk yet
anyway. fuckin' a.
maybe organizing my work items will make me feel artifically better hey why not. fuck me. augh.
xx dedcity
11/6/22 mood:
lmfao i got broken up with by darcy. ya man got played like a fiddle
now i have to call the fucking transport office for a refund on my idiot weekender ticket
i wanna be mad but i cant i just ugh i'm mad. actually. i'm mad wtf why would someone ask me on a fucking weekend date and then LET ME GO AND PLAN THIS SHIT i mean also i just wtf (i'm just mad lol i always get mad when people don't like me, i'm fuckin delightful lmao). but i cant help but be upset i never got to actually turn on the charm on a real date. just sux. feel like i blew it on that last weekend. whatever
if i had any disposable income whatsoever now would be the perfect time for that impulse fenris tattoo ive been planning lmao
ug. been so long since i've been broken up by someone who "wants to be friends" man just tell me to fuck off he's being nice it pisses me off
whatever ugh i can't have nice things lmao back to living in my cave like a hermit (yeah yeah i'm not entitled to people's feelings but i just don't get why someone wants to hang out with me still if they're not into me or whatever, ugh)
who the fuck starts a breakup message with "i adore you" man suck my dick (not actually)
xx
11/2/22 mood: bweh
ayy jade is feeling better :>>>>
omfg i have been feeling like an unmoored boat lately. like. that door in titanic just floating aroud the frozen sea. not Rose, just, like, the door. D: i neverrrrrrrrr shouldve agreed to talk to my dad on the phone last sat, ugh, that shit always fucking unmoors me D: like i haven't talked to him since summer and I was doing so good?!?? now i'm like. awful. awful awful awful. had my first ptsd nightmares in like a year, which suuuuuckeddddddd and also i have like totally forgotten how to do basic shit like my job and like. scheduling. and. i'm just glad i actually planned some days off to gather my druthers after this but ugh it was all pointless, just totally pointless, i just don't ever wanna go there again yanno??
and no more waffling on that, i fully mean it this time, gimme spaaaaaaace D: ol deadcity's gonna acktually enforce BOUNDARIES whoa
spent a lotta time getting my world for V:tM ready for my playersssss :> they're gonna do one more auxiliary char building night then i'm gonna go full steam ahead into a one-shot!! i'm trying to weave some of the plot points they came up with into the into oneshot too, but i think it'll be nice to just get broad strokes into the story/systems first :) it's gonna be so fun!!!! then i gotta cut up/clean up my shitty scribbled notes on the oneshot into like. something that isn't hell to flip through when i DM, lol. SO HYPE AAA
also been playing monster roadtrip with jade!!! my girl polly is back aaaaa
headed to the bar w/ ronnie again tonight <*3333 god it's so hard to remember i'm like. a real person sometimes lmao. i legit feel like i hit a time hole. vortex?? stupidity quantum?? after this weekend cuz of the phone call i just wanna move on ugh. every time i mention it it slides a leeeeeettle bit back draggin me backwards like a glacier or whatever. I CAN DO THIS UGH JUST NEVER ENGAGE AGAIN UGH UGH UGH.
i'm basically pointless like this lmao. i like. don't even wanna leave my blog cuz the outside world just sux and is so shitty (but not really i just feel like shit lmao. i just FEEEEEEL like shit.)
:< xx dedcity
11/1/22 mood: bweh
taking jade to the dr today for her getting checked up <*33 she's worried she effed up her neck so we're gonna make sure she's okay!!
that's p much the big thing today, i took off (am taking off?) werq mostly so this is what's up (: I'm also hard at work putting together my VAMPIRE THE MASQUERADE CAMPAIGN AAA. i can't believe i got 8 of my dumb lovely idiot friends to play with me. 11-year-old deadcity would be LOSING IT rn
also! lost my phone charger! i know it's here somewhere!! life is a land of contrasts
xxoo dedcityy
10/30/22 mood: sleepyyy
watchin youtube havin coffee tryna make this sunday a restful day of blah blah blah
ugh spooky season puts me in SUCH A GOOD MOOD ARGGG
my (our! i did not write it i just drew it lmao) book is also doing, like, fuckin numbers lol, we're on our 7th consecutive week on the PW list and it just. warms my gay little goth heart LOL
spent my halloweekend w/ jade cuz she was feeling under the weather but we dressed up and played monster roadtrip!!! ughhh Monster Prom/Camp/Roadtrip is SO FUN YOU GUYS. Though i'm partial to Camp b/c it's got maximum romance! that said I haven't played a lot of Roadtrip yet and i'm a biiiig Polly stan (well also I am a big Damien and Hex guy so pls. pls let me date hex again omfg) so I've been really enjoying all the POLLY TIME (tell me you read this in polly's voice lol). Also had to hold in the urge to scream "IT'S POLY TIME" at people i want to date.
ANYWAY
it seems like the whole world is replaying Dragon Age in anticipation of Dreadwolf???? I have never felt so Seen lol. typically it's me yelling about Origins or whatever with the single Alistair fan in a corner but HEY OMFG DREAD WOLF YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS!! I even read Tevinter Nights (sooooo hype. SO HYPE OMFG I hope they go to the Necropolis in the new game omg. That character... who I'm forgetting the name of...the templar guard who's REALLY into architecture?? BRING HIM BACK OMG. PUT HIM IN THE GAME)
got another shirtless goodnight selfie from darcy right as i was insecurely wondering if he still likes me after our last date LOL but uhhhhh uhhhhh i think we're just. dating casually now. as in Current Form of the Verb, DatING. haha omg.
xx dedcityyy
10/29/22 mood: pffff
drinkin coffee watchin engineering documentaries :> i'm no engie but my college roomate was one & my major industry-party-friend is one too (when they're not writing books xD) so it's faaaaascinating. It's about the Lena image, which i immediately jumped on with my copyright law brain lmao, but it's soooo symptomatic of a larger issue?? i mean asides from culturally that image is depleted af?? it's like starting to fuck up the data pool out of spite?? SO INTERESTING
ugh i like actually felt a comedown thinking about publishing now LMAO. least it's a saturday. told myself i have the weekend off cuz i fired off a buncha emails and my agent had an OOO emergency this fri so I'm in the clearrrr
wanna hear me talk about darcy????? something ultra cute is that he's like, ultra preppy, and I'm obviously a dumpster pumk who eats faygo and emits radioactive beams, ofc. (i have never had faygo? but it seems to apply. i hear they're distributing Liquid Death at all my old haunts but that has no dumpster punk clout) I asked him what clique he ran with in high school (i used to be an awful theatre kid! go theatre! then i hung out with the indie kid burnouts a lot. no more thankyou. if i'm gonna burn out it's gonna be AESTHETICALLY). And Darcy says "oh noooo i was a prep lol" which makes sense cuz he's like. Always wearing stuff like sweater vests and pressed trousers and button downs and watches f1 and he's just so cute. SO CUTE. ANYWAY. I made this joke like "i may not be the kind of guy you introduce to the parents but i'm DEF the kind of guy who pulls up behind the royal castle bedroom on a motorcycle to whisk you away on a nontraditional adventure" and darce just blushed and was like "you called me royalty! :>" and it was so cute cuz it just slipped out and uhhh darcy seems like american royalty to me anyway. ANYWAY we just faffed about and darce is like "oh i'm just a minor lord" and i was like "naww you're def at least landed gentry" but i could tell I really tickled his fancy LMAO
yknow i wondered if my rough n tumble/ridiculous bullshit would turn off darcy but he's like reciprocally into it lol. college dropout? worked shitty jobs? first job at 16? once went to holes-style outdoors camp where I fell into a tepid pit of rancid pig water and kayaked 12-16 miles in the ocean against the current all day for weeks to "build character"??? (ahem) that shit seems to impress darcy!! even the stuff where I did competitive theatre! You know I lettered in varsity theatre? like, earned it at 2nd half junior AND wore it proudly all senior year. lettering in varsity theatre (I was going for tech but had to take the L and get an acting with tech letter) is actually really hard! plus I always made nationals every year and did Fringe festival. I uh, was REALLY into competitive theatre lol. ANYWAY APPARENTLY my senior year when I was 18 and doing Fringe, Darcy was in undergrad in edinburgh and almost DEFINITELY ran past the theatre I performed in, like, EVERY DAY, cuz it was on his commute to class. I KNOW RIGHT?!?!!?!?!?
i could blab about darcy's cuteness all day. but i won't. BUT MAYBE I WILL
collected soooo many of the new MH dolls for the display!! ughhh i love collecting fashion dolls idc. I'm thinking of rotating out some of my older RH/LOLOMG collection for the new goff girls :>
yesterday also (er. wednesday? wtf day is it. saturdays are fake) i finally got the FCUKING CONTRACT for one of my wintertime gigs which SHOULVE been a summertime gig but WHATEV LOL i get to letter something for two months while i scramble to fill even more space cuz i was supppooooooosssedddddddd to have a picture book come out this year butttttttt the IP fuckin imploded sooooooooooo (it only imploded in media tie-ins. big respect to the show itself. but [redacted publisher] blew it. D:)
this space reserved for more horny/adorable darcy gushing. he's so cute. he has good hair
okokokokok BYE xoxoxoxo deadcityyyy
10/27/22 mood: good? is. is this good??
ok i'm in a WAYYYY better mood lmao. finally FINALLY FINALLY finished with tour season omfg it was SO GOOD. SO GOOOOOD I missed seeing all my friends and I got to crash at Darcy's and we threw this massive party (okay well darcy threw it, i was supposed to help but instead i... got... totally smashed eating mexican food and margs at dinner by accident) and it was a huge hit!! I missed throwing afterparties :>
all this made me realize I should like.... travel just to see my friends?! like what if I just HUNG OUT in NY with Adeline instead of spending 10 hours at a con and then chug vodka afterwards as a bonding activity (lmao jk that shit's fun af but the original point still stands). So I'm gonna be visiting with Adz in December before xmas (yayyy fancy met pass! yayyy friends!!), and hopefully angling in another date with Darcy, and also Darcy & Darce's bff Angelica wants us to all go to NY to go dancing and (at me and darce's drunken suggestion) MEDIEVAL TIMES IN NEW JERSEY so this is gonna be a fun afffff winterrrrr. OH YEAH and I'm saving up to visit my OWN BFF in LA where we grew up but I'm an east coaster so that's much more expensive, fingers crossed I get to hang out with him tho cuz he's like the only other trash gremlin who Truley Understanddes Meee
oh anddddd darcy accidentally said we were dating??? we're dating???? :DDDD like we were just chatting and he's all "oh you're the first guy i've ever dated who _______" and I was like EEEEE DARCY SAID WE WERE DATING. AAAAA OMFG
he's so cuteee and sweeettttt and aaaaaa (and also is going through a lot and sometimes I see him like fuckin physically SHUT DOWN people he doesn't want to talk to at book fairs and shit and like whewwww he's not one to mince over annoying/creepy/etc people, i kinda love it. makes his affection towards me extra extra sweet lmao. yes he's a scorpio man. :V don't worry though Darce is really good at boundaries, NOT at being a dickhead, and (anon blog pls don'tt trip) we've both had dealings with seriously abusive exes/people in the past so it's Boundary City and it's actually? really romantic? to be asked consent for cute things like cuddles?? :>
omgomg i have SO MUCH TO SAY lol. I can't wait to schedule more social stufffff i have so many people i wanna get dranxxxx with and ALSO IT IS HALLOWEEN?? THIS WEEKEND???? omfg. Jade & I were gonna do a What We Do in the Shadows thing but I have no time so i might have to break out my [popular video game franchise with weirdly easy to cosplay protag] costume. Once in college I totally just fuckin called it in and went as the Scout from TF2 and just bonked people with a child's baseball bat. it was fun until someone started talking to me about TF2 and I had to tell them I didn't play LMAO. but this year?? this year?!?!? whoever is like "hey you look like a fuckin npc from [video game]" I am ready to talk to them for four hours about What [Video Game Franchise] Personally Means To Me
you know darce and I never went to get oysters?!?! we were so tired after the tour that he had to crash ): but he's being SO SWEET. and we're gonna actually go on that oyster date next month. LOL. could i ever date anyone who doesn't work in books/comics/publishing even though we have no time and all we know how to do is miss deadlines, eat hot chip, and cry???? (no)
xxxoooooxxxxooooo deadcity <333333333333
10/19/22 mood: fuck fuck fuck >:((((
everyone can solidly go suck my dick idk idk idcccccccccc. ugh. Jade's fuckin on my case not to go on this next tour leg b/c my medication refill isn't in but like THIS IS MY JOB IF I DO NOT SHOW UP I DO NOT MAKE MONEY AND I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR RENT RIGHT NOW?!?!?!? Every single fucking time she pulls this she says she'll cover for me but she never does?!?!?!?!?! AND THEN GETS ALL UPSET THAT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK?! I am being driven a special kind of insane i swear to god, she talked me out of applying for a day job b/c she said she could handle the financial strain but SHE DID NOTHING AT ALL AND NOW I AM JUST BACK TO PULLING DOUBLE DUTY TRYING TO PAY FOR TWO PEOPLE TO LIVE A LIFE and like ALL MONTH i've been gone and she hasn't gone to work (she's gig economy) ONCE. ONE TIME. ONE FUCKIN TIME. AND SHE'S LIKE "OH DON'T GO ON TOUR I'LL JUST BEG MY PARENTS FOR RENT MONEY" LIKE THAT'S A FUCKING SOLUTION?!?!?!?! AM I LIVING IN BIZARRO WORLD?!?!! I DON'T CARE IF I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH I REFUSE TO BECOME EVICTED ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDIN ME
i s2g it's like i live on a nother fucking planet jfc
anyway BACK TO WORK I GUESS JFC
): dedcity
10/17/22 mood: :>
spent the weekend upstate w/ emilia + kristy at kristy's BRAND NEW SPANKIN HOUSE (put those words in the right order lol). she's got this totally bitchin porch/balcony thing and it was just. perfect weather. perfect smokes. perfect day. chef's kiss etc
can't stop thinkin about darce ig ): his divorce is gettin finalized this week and like i said his ex is a homophobic ass so like. fuck him. but darcy seems so sad i know i know. also. selfishly? i got myself into a position where i bragged like a LOT about my cooking chops and like, pulled a commesurate C+ on my First Meal To Impress Darcy so i'm gonna have to pull out ALL the stops for this little shindig i agreed to cater lmao. i am like. somehow convinced darcy will see how complex i am through the medium of tomato compote. right??
also thinking about dragon age a lot lately? idk. my brain's like. totally shot from touring. i have an alistair pin on my tour jacket that i wanna replace with a fenris, lol. also been playing a lot of red dead 2 lately. coming at it from a totally diff perspective but really enjoying my turn around this time. fearless arthur ftw. maybe it's the first person mode??
wish i had more $ for outfitz lol. now that i'm actually going out n being social n whatnot.
xoxoxooxox dedcit5yy
10/12/22 mood: (distant siren noises)
my social life is BACK ON TRACK BABEZ! knock on wood! virtual wood!!
my whole month has been packed but tonight i'm having drinx with ronnie and radika and new friend nickname incoming (for an actual new friend lol) - sam tonight!! haven't seen radika since [last work event] and ronnie and i have been hanging a lot recently so that's fun!! I'm SUPER FUCKIN WIPED OUT from [giant nerd weekend] last weekend but i'm happy to be hoooooome
totes ready for one last bougie cocktail night though, then i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO CURB MY SPENDING LMFAO. i even made a linktree for my books today. my old ass. lmao.
ugh darce is Going Through It with his divorce and it makes me sad cuz his ex was genuinely an abusive PoS yanno? and i wanna be there for him but not in like a swooping way (swooping is bad, etc etc, alistair, lmao) but in a genuine, hey, sorry about your shitty homophobic ex way cuz I actually care/wanna be there for him as a friend ): ): man life is a trip huh
i'm doing a guest lecture at a university tomorrow so i can't get TOO hammert lol
xoxoxoxo for nowwww deadcityyy
10/8/22 mood: blarg! blarg??
i feel like i have experienced a weird fuckin SYNTHESIS. OR SOMETHING. SOMEHOW. i am entirely unsure how to go about it
okay. so. can i tell you (the internet, at large, ig) a secret?? I HIT THE NYT TOP TEN IN MY SPECIFIC NICHE THIS WEEK. LIKE. THE ACTUAL NEW YORK FUCKIN TIMES BESTSELLER LIST. TOP. TEN. AS AN ILLUSTRATOR. I literally achieved one of my actual all time life goals and it's ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NUTS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT LIKE, THE THING I USED TO TELL MYSELF AND PRETEND LIKE "OH ONE DAY YOU CAN JUST BRUSH ALL THIS OFF AND SAY 'I'M AN NYT BESTSELLING AUTHOR' and like, yeah, turns out I'm an NYT Bestselling Artist cuz that's my actual like. job. lmfaooooooooo. but OH MY GOD LIFE GOAL LIFE GOAL LIFE GOAL ACHIEVED
so shit is just absolutely SURREAL rn and i'm actually in NY for unrelated reasons [it's The Giant Nerdy Thing What Happens Every Year, is why i'm here] but it was also a semi work trip but OMFG OMFG. IT'S SO SURREAL. IT'S WEIRD. IT IS TAKING TIME TO SINK IN. also i got fucking sick over the weekend (it's... saturday... whatever) and idk idkdiddidiidk. I FEEL LIKE MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG FUCKIN TIME. I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE. GOOD.
i can't wait to log all the stuff i got to do this weekend but: had an awesome date with darcy! signed A SHITTON OF BOOKS!! met two of my editors!! finally met my agent and somehow awkwardly did not go to lunch b/c i got a bagel to eat beforehand and was obliquely like "(: i'm full actually ty" so i'm gonna send her like. a gushing email abouthow hype i am about the NYT thing and that we MUST go to lunch when I'm NOT all convention-brainfoggy and full of bagel!!! also having SO MUCH FUN with my NY friend I'm staying with!!! They're so frickin rad and we've had SO. MUCH/ GOOD FOOD. OMFG. and also to celebrate the NYT we got smashed on pink prosecco and watched all of Anastasia so i'm obv celebrating in style. <3333
omg there's so much more to SAY!!! I got to hang around in the monster high promo danger zone at [Big Nerd Thing] and i'm like, SO HYPE FOR THIS REBOOT GUYS. i even tried to finagle an in (unrelated to my attendance at Monster High Promo Zone At The Nerdy Thing, that was just me stanning, lmfao) which I think actually, like, TOOK, lmao, hopefully I get to do an art test or submit a pitch deck or something for it soon. AAAAA. i am all fried and like unworkable but i'm having the best fuckin time guys..... THE BESTFUCKINTIME.
one downside: i have to cancel/reschedule my oyster date with darcy cuz the timing on travel doesn't work out after all D: D: D: D: i hope he doesn't think i'm weaseling out!!! i genuinely wanted fancy oyster cocktails time ): maybe we can reschedule with me staying an extra day on a tour date or i could come by for a weekender? hrrrm
i aim for everything being 120% so that when it hits 100% i'm still satisfied and yet I wonderwhy i'm tired all the goddamn time HA. D:
anyway. i'm in a happy weird place! like i time traveled back to being 12 or something!!! it feels good! i'm.... happy?!?!? wtf??? ha =P
xoxooxoxoxo deadcity
10/5/22 mood: bleeeehhh
FINALLY made it outta darcy's city into NY for [Obvious Gigantic NYC Weekend Thing] and i'm like THE DUMBEST FUCKO ALIVE b/c instead of shipping my books to the final~~ destination~~ i was like "ohoho justship em to my haus i'll shove em in my suitcase and carry them ALL AROUND NEW YORK CITY LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT, UP THE STAIRS, TO GODDAMN BROOKLYN. APPARENTLY. my arms are KILLING ME ugh this was the worst fucking idea AND. AND. TURNS OUT THEY DON'T CHARGE YOU SHIPPING ON AUTHOR ACCOUNTS SO I COULD'VE JUST. SENT. THEM. TO. THE CON. i'm dumb lmao
i think i'm in legit bad shape though lol darcy kinda uh. did a number on me. (in a good way lmao) AND after lugging this suitcase + vert banner + all my shit around 2 major metropolitan subways, a fuckin train, and around half the stairs in manhattan/bklyn i want to... crawl in a hole and die lmao. but i'm just eating a bagel reading tevinter nights. so it's whatev. lol
i really need to chill and take like an ACTUAl vacation and not pretend my tour dates when i don't do shit count as "a vacation" cuz ugh. ughhuahfkyag//.
i'm going to fucking cry lmao i'm so sore
anyway. actually looking forward to [Gigantic Weekend Thing] even if i'm only going thursday lol. hopefully i will spy the mattel booth (is... is there even one this year??) and snipe some of those freakin Reel Drama dolls for my collection cuz they are HARD TO FIND OMG. also i have to sign one (1) charity auction book and then ig i'll just. roam tf around?? then, b/c i am an idiot (as i explained earlier) i'm hitting up another city this weekend cuz i am a poor planner and thought i could do both but i'm just so effin tired man. my dudes. aaaaa
darcy WAS sweet though! he actually apologized and was like "i IMMEDIATELY figured out i fucked up and i wanted to let you know" lol. so that was nice. p sure he still has a crush on me lol which is good cuz he's super cute. did i mention he can deadlift 200 pounds? ANYWAY
signing off for now b/c BAGEL TIEM.
xoxoxoxo dedcityyy
10/3/22 mood: (:
okay good morning yall 1) it is the first day of leg 2 of my tour and i am hecka fuckin excited lmao.
2. Darcy TOTALLY twigged i was upset cuz he's like. fucking meeting me at the train station and is being extra cute and sweet and bought fancy ass gin and is being extra attentive and cute and making me feel special and shit so like he DEF figured it out lmao. so. i am excited to see him today and see where this goes haha. he really IS super nice and interesting and also he, uh, plays V:TM with us so we're friends and i sincerely hope this shit aint weird (it's not lol, we started off as friends so i'm not too worried).
anyway i'm smart (read: D:) and decided to take the bus?? to [city redacted]?? cuz i was like oh no it's just a 3 hour ride whatev but THE BUS IS PACKED. IT'S MONDAY???? MORNING?? WHOMST'VE IS GOING FROM [tiny small town/college town next to it] to [major metropolitan area] on this day wtf. omg. anyway. it's actually getting a little too cramped to type so i might have to tap out lmao
luv ya, kisses kisses xoxoxoxooxo dedcityyy
10/2/22 mood: .
hey so my life really DID turn into an IRL Offspring song. i knew (and am obv cool with) darcy playing the field rn (and obv i'm still dating jade) but whew so he just fucking GUSHED about this date he went on last night and like, at another point in the conversation said it was his best date ever, and like, man. i just. felt the life fuckin suck out of me lol. so you know me, i was like "fuck that, fuck this, time to dip out" so i texted him that i didn't like. super feel like playing third string to this b/c like. it's one thing to date other people and another to just. bff-style gush about them in front of me. like yeah i see you like this other dude better so go do that then. maybe i'm not cut out for this.
so THEN he's like "oh shit i didn't mean to make you feel that way i really do have an actual crush on you and i promise our first date is gonna be wicked awesome" or whatever but like man. idk. i don't even wanna put in the effort man wtf. i just kinda wanted to have a dumb little fling and now i have to. er. it feels like. i'm just putting in effort again. idk. man. maybe i'm the fuckin worst? maybe? i just kind of am a bit of an old school romantic and jade and i just don't fuckin talk about the other people we see, i mean, like, i literally prefer not to know unless it's something pertinent to the relationship rules or something. so. maybe. i am not cut out for this.
so OBVIOUSLY what i'm doing is going over to darcy's tomorrow like an idiot cuz he invited me and I dropped like seventy fucking bucks to CHANGE MY TOUR SCHEDULE TO STOP BY HIS TOWN FIRST BEFORE I HEARD ALL OF THE ABOVE SO I'M SUNK COST FALLACYING MY WAY INTO GETTING ANGRY LAID I GUESS. i am a mess. i wanna cancel but darcy is being extra extra nice. and. like i said. this shit's tomorrow what am i gonna do, change my plans again?!?!?!?!?!? (i did keep an extra train ticket IN CASE I DO CHANGE MY MIND LMAO). but also. i can tell darcy is basically being extra nice in a kid-gloves way and like.... okay here's my dumb ego talking: i like. was a full on LA Party Bitch in my 20's and when I met Jade I was like "whew the bar is RAISED" and until darcy nobody's, like, been quote-unquote worthy of being on Deadcity's Bang List since Jade, and like, i dunno, I have massively high standards and darcy has banged like three people in one week WHICH I AM NOT SHAMING HIM FOR I JUST WANNA FEEL SPECIAL SOMETIMES GOD DAMMIT lmao. but. maybe. maybe this is a learning lesson for me to fuckin stop getting so invested and maybe just. focus on that fuckin book tour eh??????????
anyway i'm never dropping seventy bucks on a ticket to gettin laid town EVER AGAIN lmao
xoxo dedcityy
10/1/22 mood: ????
omfg you're not gonna believe this but the sales figures for my last book were CONSISTENT?? It's been 3 weeks on the PW bestseller list (not near the #1 slot lmfao but ON THE LIST) and we've sold THE SAME NUMBER OF COPIES WEEK 2 & 3??? It's HOG WILD I've never had anything sell this effin good i'm kind of losing my fucking shit here
have to return the new jacket i got b/c it's too big ): dedcity is a land of contrasts
running char creation night for my V:TM group tonight!!!! I bought a whole ass bottle of merlot for myself (read: drink 1/4-1/2 and pass out) but i'm sooooo excited to run this chronicle yall. SO HYPE UGH.
now i'm weirdly tired in the middle of the day and considering a nap? maybe? ugh maybe?? fuck
saturdays amirite
xoxoxoxo deadcity <3333333
9/29/22 mood: :0/:/yawn
so tired ugh
1. omfg big big things happening at work i'm launching the veryvery start of MY SUPER SPECIAL BOOK THAT'S MY OWN IP OMFG OMFG OMFG. aka an original, lol. yer man's all grown up and writing his OWN fiction xD lmao. said the main whose job this has been for like 6 years hahahah. we're putting the elevator pitch up in my agency's newsletter that's coming out as like an appetizer before formal subs and im excitedddd aaaaa MY DREAMS, ETC ETC.
oh yea YEA and. i do not wish to jinx it. but darcy and I are going on an actual date in a week and a half??? it's just a little lunch date between my fucking ridiculous tour schedule stops but like omfg, right????? he says we're gonna get cocktails! living my worst don draper life over here! (maybe the only good thing about draper was the lunchtime gimlets imo)
xxxxooooxxxxx dedcityyyyy
night edit!!!:
oh nerrrr darcy never responded to the selfie i texted him this morning even though. we had. random conversations via dm throughout the day!! welcome to deadcity's insecurity zone!!!!! i mean like. i do NOT expect a "good morning good-lookin'" EVERY fuckin mornin but did i mention THIS IS DEADCITY'S INSECURITY ZONE
anyway i'm really excited to get shit ready for my sat night ttrpg group (once a month! delightful! a thing i can actually commit to!!!!), we're playing V:tM (ofc) and i'm hellllla excited. I promise i won't spill on everyone's char/rpg choices here haha
but if we're playing v:tm i need red wine, right??? I've been soooo boreddd lately. i'm A) procrastinating mundane tasks and B) ugh my brain kicked into overdrive over the last leg of the tour and now there's a mini moment before i'm on tour for threee and a halfff weeekesss which i'm hella excited for but. i'm bored? time to learn to relax again????
i'm SO EXCITED TO GO TO NEW YORK i'm racking up the social events like WHOA. lol. i'm doing a signing and seeeveral dinners and cocktail hours and hanging out with my agent and hanging out at the publishing house my friend works at and doing a bunch of hoity toity nyc publishing shit and i'm SO EXCITED TO FINALLY BE MY BEST BOUGIE DUMB PUBLSIHING SELF lmao. i got signed in freakin 2019 so i never got to like. go outside? and do stuff? like fancy nyc publishing stuff? LOL
okok i'm excited for my date w/ darcy tho. when i asked if he maybe wanted to go on like, an ACTUAL date he said "omg yes" so :DDDDD! he was the one who suggested cocktails & oysters cuz it's like. kinda a thing we kept saying? it's really cute. he's really cute. he's SO CUTE. did i mention his arms??? did i mention he's also really sweet and interesting???? :>
OMFG AND I'M ALSO GOING TO SPEND ALL DAY AT THE MET omg omg i'm like unreasonably hype for that hahah. gotta PLAN!!!!!!!
xoxoxoxo for now, deadcityyyyyy
9/28/22 mood: ?!?!?!!?!?!
uhm. UHM
DARCY AND THE OTHER GUY BROKE UP
RED FUCKING ALERT GUYS hahahha
no it's not cuz i am magically so good at hooking up LMFAO it turns out (from what i gather??) the other guy wasn't "feeling it romantically" but darcy framed it as an amicable/mutual breakup but he still seems sad tho so. you know. it's not like D: what did deadcity do nooo D: and more like aww dude it'll be ok! plenty of fish in the sea! i am happy to be one of those fish! lmfao. AND AND i got the go-ahead from Jade to fuckin' engage phasers so SET PHASERS TO DARCY. PEW PEW
oh god how did i ever get anyone to hook up with me hahahaha
xoxoxoxo deadcity
9/27/22 mood: :>
1. got a shirtless selfie from darcy ha ha wowww he's so buff ha haaaaaaa 2. got the last of my pro pass badges for convention season HELL YEA i am ready to cocktail and schmooze my way through october. books rule. cons rule yall
idk i'm in a good mood hahahahha. it's been a good day. i was supposed to give a lecture today but the dates got mixed up so i'm getting the morning off (got? the morning off??) and i'm having a perfectly lovely time lmao.
i ordered a bunch of Lush and i can't wait for it to get here haha. treat yourself and all that
xoxoxooxoxoox deadcityyyy
9/26/22 mood: ???://???:)???
went to lunch with ronnie today and first of all. firstable. did EVERYONE get laid at this [redacted work thing] or WHAT lmao it was like a fuckin' [industry niche] reunion tour or some shit lmao. SECONDLY. SECONDLY. Ronnie is irl friends with Darcy and said that he hasn't posted a single thing about The Other Guy since Darcy and I met?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?! I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT JFC but like holy shit Darcy is like. so nice. i mean. He lives in another state so it'll never work out but if I had to have a romantic magical queer fling with anyone? pretty much ONLY handing the keys over to darcy. i am not a keys-hander. I am typically too busy or shitty or whatever to date people but i dunno man! I do not wish to put any any any any any pressure on this cuz like that's not what I want? i think what we both need maybe is that casualness and non-locking-it-down?? but (actually not but. AND.) i think i am starting to like, LIKE darcy. so. hahahhahah fuck fuck noooo what :(
in the interest of hot mess fairness i am going to have another conversation with jade about this because i mean fuck. :( luckily she's being super chill and talking it out cuz we have an explicit It's Cool Just Don't Catch Feelings Ever Deal but like she hasn't dated anyone in a long time EIT-HER and AND i feel idk idk idk idkkkkkk it was totally cool when it was just like, me gettin' flirty with darcy but if i am catching feelings it's something else ENTIRE.LY. so ig i'll just play it by ear cuz there's a 80% chance darcy's gonna lock it down with Other Guy anyway. ha ha ha ha. do straight people have to deal with this?!?! (yes)
xoxoxoxooxoxoxo dedcityyyy
9/25/22 mood: ?
well i woke up to about 17 texts from darcy about his adorable houseplants and ALSO a cute selfie so maybe everything is ok?? maybe my life hasn't devolved into an early album offspring song lmao
xoxox deadcityyyy
9/25/22 mood: D:
- can't sleep. - clowns will eat me. -actually can'tsleep though
darcy's on a date with the guy he met before me and oh whoops looks like i actually can't handle my life going straight mr brightside hahaha. Okay so Other Guy is taking Darcy to meet his friends and literally this afternoon darcy was like "yea me and [other guy] are just casually dating so you and I can still see each other/hook up/be cute etc, i'll let you know if anything changes! :)" but like. ohohoohoh i've been around the block a couple times and I know "meet my friends" is the last litmus test before "let's get exclusive." SO I AM SITTING HERE LISTENING TO EMO MUSIC PRE-EMPTIVELY SUPPOSING THAT DARCY'S ABOUT TO GET LOCKED DOWN AND I'LL HAVE TO MAKE SAD EMO-BOY OTHER-MAN HORS D'OUVRES WHILE HE BANGS THE OTHER GUY IN THE OTHER ROOM OR SOMETHING haha I don't know. idkidkidkidk. Darcy's in like cloudland and is all "it'll be great you can both hit on me maybe :D" and bless. cherish his heart. but nobody's gonna want me around when they're tryina lock it down haha. Oh man I am like. Pre-emptively starting the mourning process haha
am I just like. addicted to being sad? maybe i just miss having feelings? i gotta say it's nice experiencing feelings again after uh. i don't really know. guys, am I depressed??? (yes)
oh my god we're going to have to work on this book and go on research trips and i'm going to have to like. stand sadly on the sidelines while he looks like a total snack and i'm gonna have to write a freaking motherfucking YA ROMANCE STORY WHILE HE DRAWS IT AND IT'S GOING TO BE TORTURE BECAUSE MY LIFE IS A FUCKING JOKE
xxooooxxxoo your hot mess deadcity
postscript: ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh how could i compete with a fucking ivy league phd candidate i dropped out of fucking film school. i'm like fuckin 5 foot 3? 4??? (which uh might? be a plus? darcy sent me a meme about cute short boys? lol) but. i also have like, really bad teeth? and I'm like acutely aware of how much less classy I am than darcy and his circle?!?!? like i'm not gonna lie I went to private school for high school and (dropped out of) a great (west coast party) college but darcy's like ON ANOTHER LEVEL MAN. Like. [Redacted Ivy League]?!?!?! even though he's like ooh i'm into your whole bad boy thing I just. man. i'm like. side guy material right? no amount of bestsellers or industry flexes or carrying beer boxes or making him laugh with history puns is gonna do it. right? right?
oh fuck oh fuck do I LIKE darcy? no fuck noooo fuck. fuck. fuckfuckfuck shit
because there's NO WAY THIS IS GOING TO WORK. he's too cute. it's. i. just. i. fuck
ok you guys have to understand darcy is like INTERNET HOT like he's got a little flock of people who follow him around and tell him he's hot and shit and even though I have 9/10 (okay 11/10) charisma I am like. THIS IS THE MAJOR LEAGUES BUD. my life has become an actual dumb satire of the song uptown girl or something. oh my god this is so dumb
:(
9/24/22 mood: :)
:)
i talked to darcy about jade and talked to jade a little bit and everyone is on the same page! I mean like. haha turning 30 is fuckin weird right. but darcy's also dating this guy and living his best post-divorce slut era so it's kinda nice that we're precisely on the same page?? he's so fuckin fancy though. i feel a little weird sometimes being like "ha ha i dropped out of college and your other dude has a phd" but like...... pretty sure a college degree isn't what makes me hot, LMAO. (it's the overbearing confidence. plus the leather jacket.) also i'm a total fucking rockstar at my job and i've been killing it lately so I consider myself filling out some Impressive Check Card xd
i'm also planning a cocktail party with him for [redacted big work thing]!!! It's gonna be so much fun, I'm in charge of hors d'ouvres and darcy promised to make pregame drinks so it's gonna be funnnnn. Also turns out we have like a shitton of mutual friends in common we don't know about so they're coming!?!?!? I'm so excited :DDDD
i gotta say. darcy is a very nice and considerate and sweet and ballsy guy. he keeps sending me like dragon age & witcher memes/tweets and he doesn't play/watch either but he knows I'm OBSESSED so it's very sweet, haha. (i know i know who hasn't seen the witcher?!?!?!? do i need to sit him down and watch the witcher?!?!??)
in other dumb news i'm always nervous i'll be buggin my agent if i email her too much EVEN THOUGH SHE'S THE NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND HAS NEVER ONCE BEEN ANNOYED WITH ME i'm just so fuckin paranoid lmfao. Like she's been my agent for like 3.5 years (!!!!!!) and we've done two books together going into our third so she like KNOWS me haha but I'm. uh. I am obsessed with being Liked. like I know she likes me as ONE OF HER AUTHORS/ARTISTS I just am obsessed with people LIKING ME AS A PERSON lmfao. what's wrong with me eh
so darcy really really likes to travel and so do I, and when I lived in california I used to explore/travel/hike/check shit out SO MUCH. I spent a loooooootta lotta lotta time in DeathValley/Yosemite/the Sequoias/etc etc and my favorite place I've been, I think, is June Lake. Darcy says I need to renew my license (lazy=deadcity, doesn't own a car=deadcity), so he can surreptitiously borrow his family's ancestral beamer to drive around on a whirlwind dumbass gay romance weekend (and presumably so neither of us has to DD the entire time lmfao). just in case you don't know how adorable he is.
and??? we might be working on a book together???? maybe????? by SHEER FUCKING COINCEDENCE he might be doing an art test for the book i'm working on hahahha. life is weird right
i gotta flex so hard with these hors d'ouvers guys. i'm like. considering ordering in a specific kind of lox to impress him. i've gone off the deep end obv (but it's fun so whatever ha)
xoxoxooxox deadcityyyy
9/22/22 mood: :<
typing a beer-fueled feelings thankyou to darcy. idk. lol. maybe i won't hit send. i'm using this space to practice. may the gods of fat tire blessme. [a/n: okay this is just a Thing I Wish I Could Send to Darcy now, lmao, it's getting HEAVILY edited for charisma points first]
hey [darcy]. bit of a left field message cause [a/n: we've been talking all day and i'm trying NOT to be CONSTANTLY UP IN HIS FACE so mayeb i'll wait til later 2nite??] i'm Three Beers Deadcity right now but I just wanted to say i've really enjoyed talking to you. i know i don't mention it but i also had asuper shitty ex who never wanted to get in an airplane or do things and i've had to like. drag people to do basic shit like get a job or leave the house so it's just really really fun to flirt with someone who's on the same pageish. i feel like i've had to raise each fucking boyfriend/girlfriend i've ever had and half of them just wanna leach off my money and half of them make fun of my bougie side and the other half makes fun of my working class side and it sucks and i hateit and i just. thank you. for being fun. and here. i hope your divorce kicks ass. xoxoxox deadcity.
xoxo deadcity.... for real
round 2: FITE (aka actual journal entry time)
super. super. super. excited. to. visit. nyc. next month. ON TOUR AAAAAA. I'm crashing at Adeline's place (I debated giving everyone literary nicknames but honestly it just kinda works for darcy lmao. everyone else gets Normal Codenames unless I thinkof something funny.) and she's gonna check otu the [REDACTED] Met pass for me so I can check out all the super cool armor in the arms & armaments section for my book aaaaa I'm SO. FUCKING EXCITED. okayokay so I take a special interest in Tudor era england (specifically Henry VIII + Liz the First) so it's slim pickings out here but I'm still SO EXCITED have you SEEN their flintlocks collection?!?!?!? It was the thing that got me STARTED on collecting flintlocks way back when (replicas. i'm not that cool haha). so so so excited. also def gonna drink one of those overly strong Met roof bar drinx
easy there deadcity. no double texting darcy lmao. do not overplay that thirst hand. BUT OKAY SO HE SAID HE WOULD MAKE US NEGRONIS NEXT TIME WE HANG OUT AT [NEXT WORK THING] CUZ I GUESS I'M CRASHING AT HIS PLACE NEXT TIME I HIT THAT CITY FOR A TOUR STOP??? WHILE I COOK DUCK EGG CARBONARA???? I HAVENEVER FELT SO APPRECIATED i bet he owns like. the craziest barcart. and like. fanyc ties? silk ties? idk even what I'm on about lmfao. we're both like 30. i think i've seen him own like one tie lmao
there's just so much shit i wanna try. i just. used to be such an adventure boy yknow? i miss that. i miss adventure. let's go on some adventures.
also he keeps sending me horny dragon age memes despite not playing dragon age himself lmao. he's like a super classy historian so i wonder if that gives it an extra kick for me LMAO
xoxoxoxoxoox your bff deadcityyyyy
ed: darcy texted me like 2 minutes after this lmfao
9/21/22 mood: ??
yknow WHAT?
my entire life has been like. okay. end game end goal. publish books. become bestselling author. get married. kablammo, ????, profit??????? and now. okay. Deffo still want those first two things. Nailing it. Making a real go of it even. But I'm like. Okay. I'm old (not that old, I'm 30, lmao) and ig i thought this was what I always wanted? endgame? but. okay. but. get this. GET THIS. i have not been single for more than 3 months since I was fucking 15. FIF-TEEN. whatthe fuck. that's like. half my life?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!1/
okay. so. mr darcy (i need to come up with a better codename for my friends lmfao) is going through a fuckin divorce rn b/c his ex sucks real bad and also gay reasons so yeah and he's like. only a year or two older than i am. and that just. got me thinking. idk. he's like. "wow i'm doing stuff for myself for the first time since i'm 23" and like yeah yeah yes fuck you are so right I just. Man. Idk. And this isn't even a "haha i miss banging darcy/wish i could keep bangign darcy" thing. i'm just... man idk idk sad. idk. i miss being just me i guess. i dunno. i really fucking love jade but like. idk. i haven't been on my own almost like EVER and if i cinch the deal it's like. well. that's it for old Deadcity off he shuffles never having been on his own or getting his rocks off as a single guy ever or whatever wtf is wrong with me
i used to be like. oh nooo if i grow up and don't get MARRIED i'll be SAD but like FUCK THAT i just wanted a big party and to experience true love at least once but hey that last thing happened at least and now I'm 30 and like ugh what. what. what
'stop trying to marry everyone, mark, no need to marry everyone>:(' -mark from peep show
xxxxx deadcity
9/10/22 mood: mistakes were made
omfg i keep accidentally not renewing my meds on time and my brain keeps going berzerk. not much to say just. logging in my executive dysfunction so i remember to actually renew my prescriptions
seriously sometimes it feels like i'm taking smart pills. cuz they help me multitask/ shit. typing is even harder lmao. okok coffeetime. Jade says she's gonna help me bug the pharmacy about it l8r but theyre like. closed??? anyway
thanks for sticking with me on this most boring of saturdays
xoxo dedcityy
8/30/22 mood: ??
ugh not a lot of updates today. maybe i should split this front page again. i hate splitting archives but i hate forever-scrolling even more lmao.
overseeing some book production stuff on my personal/indie side while my career screeches to a temporary grinding halt lmao BUT. hey i'm going on book tour again this month and also the looming horror of my book coming out BUT. BUT. ALSO. my agent is sick and not as available right now and it's really hard going through this shit without her :(((( I legit hope she's taking it easy & feeling better but also don't want to worry her or think i'm like pushing her to be more attentive re: reporting back to me re: book shit cuz. like. i actually DO want her to feel better. am i the most awkward fucker alive or what. she's also like super nice so i don't wanna bug her but ALSO she's too nice to be bugged when I... think... I'm... bugging .... her???
i need a hobby haha. well my hobby is apparently time-suck video games and flipping out over work even if it's not officially work. like i'm just designing merch for fun now for con season. I haven't done conventions in agessss i'm mad excited to get back out there
you want to hear something super fucking stupid? my stylus is out of batteries and i can't actually do any drawing right now. i'm about to order the comically small batteries over the magic of the internet rn but also i really painted myself into a corner huh
i went slightly insane and scheduled an interview for a second fucking job i'm going to definitely probably back out of b/c i panicked really hard about Currency but like. jade and I share finances and she has repeatedly offered to cover for me b/c it was just me w/ a job for like 3 years of our relationship when we first started going out lol, so she (in her own words) owes me one but I could neverrrrrr do that to her. so she and i are kind of at an impasse lol b/c i could either A) use my spare time to help Jade w/ her job by using my extra time to be a decent house husband (not married lmfao) and doing House Stuff and also helping her out on set when she needs it or B) go get a second job at like the starbux which Jade says is dumb b/c I keep quitting part time jobs whenever i get double booked and it's probably fucking annoying for whoever runs the s'bux. my last workplace (which was basically a starbucks) had a former AD and a NYT bestselling author working the same shift as me so that was pretty fun lol. we got to bitch a lot about publishing. ANYWAY ALL THIS TO SAY I AM A CRAZY PERSON who tries to take second and third jobs when my freelancing gets slow even if I have to quit them like3 weeks in because i have to suddenly draw 70 pages of Barbie Dream House or i'll lose my (real) job. also jade makes the v convincing argument that she likes her job WAY more than i like working at the s'bux b/c it's her "Real Job" lol. so maybe i should suck it up and be a supportive partner for her and make her coffee when work is slow :) b/c i keep forgetting that even though it's not busy NOW i'm already locked and loaded for 3 fucking books enxt year and it's... uh... i... have a sort of blind spot schrodinger's freelancer problem where if i'm not doing something NOW it's like i'm not doing it. so i always overbook myself. then i underbook myself. then i overbook again. which is why i need my agent back and i hope she feels better soon i am Not Very Good At This lmao
holy textwall batman
xxxxxoooo deadcityyy
8/25/22 mood: :<<<<<
oh em gee my self esteem is in the absolute shitter rn and i do not know why. ha ha. i have the nervy nerves with my book fuckin comin out so soon. i cannot. i can't. i am so bad at handling everything lmao
oh yeah and the guy from below who i guess i am now going to call Mr Darcy??? has been posting about how nice it'd be to get railed by a goth dude and also rting gay fanart from my fave video game so i guess i'm just in high school again rn and being like "DOES THIS MEAN ANYTHING. OMFG IS HE SUBTWEETING ME" lmao. i cannot thirst too much lest. you know. i lose my charm. my ~*~*~*~*~*charm (read: lack thereof)
i am trying to psch myself up for thumbnailing this fuckin thing b/c i have like. a weird amount of extra time on my hands. which is weird. i wish i was busier. big ol' Cancelled PB shaped hole in my heart ig. :P going on tour starting next month so yayyy. i am even buying a Cool New Face Mask. i am sooooo responsible. right??
writing this bodice ripper has turned into me writing fanfic again for fun??? which i will not post anywhere????? it's made me realize i have like. spiral brain if i churn out too many pages. lmao i picked up the licensed book for the fan thing i was writing and THE FUCKIN GUY HAD THE SAME WRITING CRUTCHES AS ME lmfao it was the wildest thing. guess i'd picked up so much of his style consuming EVERY THING IN THIS SERIES that I was doing this weird mimicry thing that I was trying to pull out but discovering this IP book made me realize wha had happun'd????? wild shit. lmao. anyway. guess i should scrub my brain out by reading LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN A FUCKIN IP BOOK but hey guess what fuck you maybe not (okay maybe yes. i actually started rereading Lamb by Christopher Moore the other day b/c i never finished it and i got so fuckin emotional i had to put it down. BIFF IS SO GOOD YOU GUYS. just. extremely my shit. and i have so many feelings about it. and like. i know i haven't finished the book but it's just sooooo hitting hard in the "feelings for a guy beyond like just LIKING HIM" thing and the whole thing with Biff and the Magdalene and like UGH it's a fucking bisexual masterpiece idgaf
anyway. reading more books?? time to read the books???? i always enjoy picking up books but actually being like OKAY NOW IS THE TIME TO READ can be so hard. but i do get stuck in. (say the line bart) i used to read sooooo much moooore than i do now
idk. idkidk. i feel weird but i always say that huh?
xxxxxxxoooooooo dedcityyyy
8/18/22 mood: at the drive in! in the old man's ford!!
i found this aaaaancient playlist I made with my ex that has soooo much bad metal and cock rock on it for gettin' stoned purposes and it's now my day's work soundtrack lmfao.
i'm being so responsible today!! i'm knocking out all the dumb shit i've been avoiding!!! plus i finally got my sleep schedule back on track and i actually finally handled some dumb logistical convention bullshit so i'm v v vvvvv happy. now to knock out some more emails.
last night two people i know from the same worky industry thing had a stupid slapfight on twitter and ONE of them is objectively correct but he's being such an ass about it it's just ugh ungh guys pls. pls. stop. all around. it's so dumb. it's a valid criticism about the insular-ness of awards season and it's just kinda embarrassing to see people i respect try to defend it ig. ig ig. anyway. twitter slapfight hitting because everyone you know is now an adult and this is apparently how we do things in public now BUT ALSO one of them has a valid fucking point and the other one is kind of making an ass of the whole thing BUT that person is someone i know personally so like ugh.
also i am so fuckin awkward about hitting people up who are gonna be at a place like yeah dude they wanna hang out with you at X thing or Y festival or whatever that's why they brought it up AT YOU so don't feel weird being like "ya i'll be there let's hang!!!" instead of "ya i'll be there MAYBE I'LL AMBIENTLY SEE YOU THERE" like some kind of idiot. anyway. i am very normal.
honestly can't wait to get off work and play more da:i aka blackwall romance simulator
xxoooxxxoooo dedcityyyy
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